Tag: School

Two Peas in a Podcast

Which Podcast Did You Choose to Listen to, and Why?

I listened to an episode from Strange Tales (Old Time Radio), which is one of the few podcasts I’m subscribed to. I got burnt out on true crime podcasts years ago and started listening to old radio shows after that, mostly because I love the men’s voices. The episode was The Thirty-Second of December by Suspense, and it originally aired on radio on December 28, 1958, uploaded by Strange Tales on July 19, 2026.

How Did the Host’s Delivery (Pitch, Pauses, Rate of Speaking, and Volume) Impact the Overall Effectiveness of the Podcast?

The Strange Tales (Old Time Radio) host’s delivery was okay; a bit sped up, higher pitched, and had some music that reminded me of the Wicked Witch of the West riding her broom, then the second host was just…there… but the Suspense host’s delivery was great; very succinct, but atmospheric, creepy, and…suspenseful (I have a thing for male voices). Although it’s a podcast, since “the beginnings of personal relationships are fraught with uncertainties” (Griffin et al., 2019, p. 105), hearing the deep voice and orchestral music made me think of The Twilight Zone and lessened my uncertainties.

Was a Podcast the Best Way to Communicate this Information, or Would a Video Presentation have been More Effective?

A video probably would have been more effective, but considering the time period, televisions weren’t as popular as they are today and radio shows were a very popular form of entertainment. Even with those constraints, they were very immersive and entertaining, which is one reason I like to listen to them.

Who was the Intended Audience for this Podcast?

Originally, I would say the intended audience was people who had radios in their home and/or didn’t own televisions. These days, I think the intended audience is the older crowd and those who like to watch or listen to media from all decades. I love watching old movies and TV shows as well as listening to old music. I think it is very limiting to only tune in to current entertainment.

References

Griffin, E., Ledbetter, A., & Sparks, G. (2019). A first look at communication theory (10th ed.). McGraw-Hill Education. (Chapter 9: Uncertainty Reduction Theory)

Your Reflection Isn’t Enough

This should be an interesting post, one I have neglected to post about thus far. Per the assignment, I am to “discuss and analyze an interpersonal relationship through Knapp’s Relational Model.” It must be recent and can be one I am currently in or one that has already ended, but the one that has ended is a doozy, and, honestly, I don’t have many relationships since I’m an agoraphobic hermit.

This relationship was online, which is perfectly valid, as “Online communication is just as real as any communication can be considered real in that it involves human senders and receivers, engenders feelings and reactions, and leads to relationship development, maintenance, and deterioration.” (Chapter 11, p. 154)

Knapp’s model is on point and fairly chronological for how everything went down, so I can go through it point by point while telling my story. It might get lengthy, or I might leave a lot out; it depends on how much I feel like typing, especially since Phin is lying on my keyboard tray and I’m typing at a weird angle 😝.

Coming Together

Initiating

Firstly, Adam’s a gamer, and I am not. I played Nintendo growing up, loved the Wii, tried PS4 and the Switch, but never got into them, so I sold them. Because I operate with half a brain, I’m not great with coordination and multitasking. I can’t really play the 3D games. Adam met a couple in a game Facebook group (the wife offered to, and then did, buy him a DLC (downloaded content) on there), and they had been talking for a few months. I spoke to her briefly a couple of times through Adam’s headset to confirm Adam hadn’t asked for them to buy him things, but that’s it. The wife wanted me to start playing so she could play with me while the “boys” played. She wanted to get me a PS5 and the game and DLCs; I said no. She did so anyway as a Christmas present, as she had our address from buying Adam a new controller.

Now, I was obligated to play. I can’t tell people no, to begin with, and I had told her no using excuses, and then she bought me items and took away the excuses I was using of not owning a system or the games.

Experimenting

With some setting modifications and help from her and Adam during gameplay, I was able to play the game and had fun. We played every day after I worked. Since “People are motivated to adopt technologies for both extrinsic and intrinsic reasons,” (Chapter 2, p. 15–16) and I was enjoying the outside connection and engagement, I wanted to continue playing and building the relationship. I wasn’t as open and forthcoming as the couple and Adam were, but since I was playing with him, I was definitely being myself and not putting on a front, which the couple accepted. Adam and I were both surprised at her oversharing, honestly. The relationship continued.

Intensifying

She knew about my AuDHD and brain malformation fairly early on due to how my disabilities affect certain activities, including gameplay and things I say and think. She would downplay and outdo each health issue and disability I had or each trauma I shared during this informational phase. She also downplayed anything I could do better than she, like knowing big words and their definitions, and knowing how to spell certain words. Everyone has flaws; she had many, but we enjoyed talking to her and her husband. By this time, we had moved from only talking over headsets to also talking on the phone at times. She also bought me stuff for my birthday, even though I told her I don’t celebrate it because my mom and brother died in the month of my birthday.

Integrating and Bonding

By my birthday, we were referring to each other as wifey, and we called her my husband’s second wife, and I was her husband’s second wife. It was all in jest, of course. We had some different views, but never disagreements, which wasn’t a big deal because I don’t have to agree 100% with people I am friends with; I think that is stupid.

The Fallout

At this time, I was comfortable enough in the relationship to think we could have disagreements and be fine. I mean, people have disagreements all the time. This friend was a very confrontational person and loved to put people on the spot and make them uncomfortable for the fun of it, usually whining about being triggered or offended about something. I always stayed out of it. And it was always their fault. One night, I was done with that and took pity on the guy because I knew exactly what he was trying to say, and it wasn’t at all what she was saying he was saying. She told me to stop a couple of times (which, no, one person doesn’t get to say their view and that’s it), but she was obviously still misunderstanding, and she eventually left the group chat.

Coming Apart (De-escalation)

Differentiating

So, there were days of radio silence on her part, and lots of crying on my part, mostly because I did nothing wrong outside of defending someone being bullied. Adam stopped playing with the couple because he was in the chat and heard everything and knew I didn’t do anything, and he knew how upset I was and wasn’t happy about how I was being treated. Since I spent my entire life chasing my dad, I swore I wouldn’t do it again with another person, so I deleted her from my life on the surface, which made me feel better.

Circumscribing and Stagnating

The friend contacts me and wants to know why I removed her from nearly everything. I told her. We have an “adult” conversation where everything is my fault, and she didn’t get mad because I defended the kid at all and disagreed with her, but for a different reason (reason #2), and we can still be friends, and she wants to know why Adam’s not talking to and playing with her (the real reason for her contacting me). I don’t tell her the real reason because it’s not my place. We played a game or two that day, then didn’t speak after that.

Avoiding

Since the friend just kept diagnosing Adam every time they spoke instead of actually using common sense about why he didn’t want to talk or play with her, I convinced him to tell her the truth about why he was avoiding her, so he did. One thing about Adam and me is that we don’t have secrets from each other. We use each other’s phones, we don’t talk behind each other’s backs, and we know each other’s business. He showed me their conversation afterwards, which I did not ask to see. She gave him reason #2 for why she was mad at me, and he called BS on that because he was in the chat and knew reason #2 had nothing to do with it.

A couple of days later, she writes him a long text about how much she and her husband love him and are worried about him and how I am manipulative and abusive, and I brag about how he does this and that for me and so on. And, the real reason she stopped talking to me and couldn’t be friends with me or play with me was that I called him my “cook,” which he does cook for me, but I do not call him that (he said he wouldn’t care if I did). He showed me the text, and we had a good laugh about it.

Terminating

I wrote her back from my phone and gave her an FYI that we have no secrets and tell each other everything, plus he is always right behind me, sitting on the bed, and can hear everything I say, just like I can hear everything he says. Adam blocked her on everything, and she deleted me from everything 🤣. We knew she was unstable by her own admission, but the gaslighting and manipulation were something else.

That wraps up my analysis.

References

McEwan, B. (2015). Navigating new media networks: Understanding and managing communication challenges in a networked society. Lexington Books.

What We’ve Got Here is Failure to Communicate

Schooool’s in for summER!! I have a “communicating online” class this term, and because of that, I need to *drum roll* communicate online —

I have to answer a couple of wordy questions and include a quote or two, along with citations, so 🐻 with me.

Do Different Social Networking Sites Offer Other Benefits and Drawbacks?

This question is either worded oddly, or I’m not understanding it. “Other,” as in from each other? Like, does Facebook offer additional benefits beyond what LinkedIn offers? That’s how I interpreted it.

The short answer would be yes. Different social networking sites offer other benefits and drawbacks, as each platform is designed for a different type of relationship, especially two very different ones like Facebook and LinkedIn. Facebook is useful for maintaining family connections and “weak-tie” relationships, like those (general) you went to grade school and high school with, but you don’t really keep up with offline, since social networking sites “make it possible to reconnect with old contacts” (Interplay, Ch. 2, pp. 32–35). My friends list on Facebook consists of family and school friends, with very few people I have not met in person. I also have an author page that people can follow, but following is different from friending.

On the contrary, LinkedIn serves a professional purpose and goes beyond social networking. The reading notes that LinkedIn “connect[s] candidates to job opportunities and encourage[s] professional networking” (Interplay, Ch. 2, p. 33). Because these platforms support such different kinds of relationships — personal versus professional — they naturally come with different advantages and limitations. I have some overlap between my Facebook and LinkedIn profiles, but only in my content, and not in my contacts, i.e., friends/connections. My LinkedIn focuses mostly on my “day job,” and my Facebook and Facebook page are more for personal use and promoting my book.

What Factors Might Influence Whether Facebook has Negative Influences, like Links with Depression, versus Positive Results, Such as Boosts in Self-Esteem?

Another confusing question to me, but whatever; I’ll do my best. The social part of the Internet is a toxic place, regardless of where you go. That’s merely because it’s run by people, and people suck. However, whether Facebook has negative or positive effects depends largely on how people use it. The reading notes that “excessive media use and loneliness often go hand in hand” (Adler & Proctor, 2024, p. 31), suggesting that replacing face‑to‑face interaction with online activity can worsen depression. I wouldn’t just slap “loneliness” on there and call it a day, though. There’s also boredom, passing time, and a lack of social interaction for those who cannot socialize face-to-face due to disabilities and existing mental illness (like me). On the other hand, Facebook can also strengthen relationships. Social networking sites make it very easy to reconnect with people we grew up with or knew intimately at one point and lost touch with, and can help people recreate and maintain these connections that support well‑being (Adler & Proctor, 2024, p. 35). These differences show that Facebook’s influence depends on whether it is used to supplement relationships or replace them.

That’s all she wrote, folks! I still need to update on my seizures, “that aren’t seizures,” that I was having 20+ of a day, and ridiculous disability case determination 😒. I just haven’t been in the headspace to lay it all out.

Bibliography

Adler, R. B., & Proctor, R. F. (2024). Interplay: The process of interpersonal communication (16th ed.). Oxford University Press.

~*~Hate Comes to Campus~*~

Prove me Wrong…
A debate in good faith
with a young man of faith —
unabashedly so.  
Hate proved him right.

They gathered to argue —
                     Agree —
              Learn — 
       Teach —
Except for one.
Hate came to silence it all.    

Its ideology whistled
through the charged air,
tore through the neck —
       Of a kind man —
              A husband —
                     A father — 
A forever hopeful who held love for all.  
His respect for others did not stop
at opposing beliefs.    

Hate etched its intentions on bullets — 
(hey, fascist, catch!) — 
Its voice exploded in a red waterfall.

His little girl ran to him
as life left his body.  
She sought comfort — reassurance —
not knowing her world was changed.  

His views were not mine.
His words were not mine.
But death is nonpartisan.  
Grief does not ask how you vote.

We mourn in fragments and forums, 
in soundbites and silence.
We mourn because
Hate came to campus, 
and it never left.

Show Me the Money!

Featured Image: Copyright: ©RichVintage Photography

These last two school terms have been insufferable! Like, wearing-my-shoulders-as-earrings, can’t-move-my-neck, horrid-headaches insufferable. So, we have the issues with financial aid that are still ongoing and who knows when they will be resolved. This is with Adam and me calling student financial services nearly every day and getting such varying responses that eventually culminate in us being told my case is being reviewed. The case has been reviewed since September, supposedly 🙄. The people at SNHU’s financial office are very kind and sympathetic, but they don’t know what’s going on half the time — as we say here, the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand’s doing.

Neither Adam nor I get why things are not moving faster on SNHU’s financial aid department’s part because they have not been paid for my last two terms, which is around $3,000, give or take. They aren’t even getting my Pell grants and whatever else I qualify for that I don’t have to pay back. I have yet to graduate, but that is somewhat on me, but not really.

Because of the recent next-level AI emergence, professors/instructors have been on an unofficial AI witch hunt without any official regulations in place, which has made classes a nightmare not just for me, but loads of SNHU online students who post in the Facebook group. Apparently, which I have witnessed firsthand, students simply cannot sound intelligent/professional and do the work on their own, so must all be utilizing AI. The work then gets sent for review, and I have yet to see any students being found guilty, for lack of a better term that I can’t think of right now.

My work was submitted to the review board more than once last term by the instructor, who whined incessantly about AI in the announcements without providing any proof we students were using it, but that didn’t stop the instructor from failing my assignments as well as my discussion posts and bitching about vagueness and originality, like I was thinking too much and not using enough quotes, which are flagged by TurnItIn as plagiarism; a key reason I prefer to paraphrase and cite instead of quoting 🙄. These fails were after I submitted my work to the college’s writing center and received positive feedback from them, save the discussion posts, which aren’t worth much.

I am an A student except for applied statistics, which I got a C+. The only problems I have had with my grades have been issues with the instructors, like the Shakespeare bitch giving me a zero for a fully formed and thought-out PowerPoint (which should have garnered some points since I did the assignment, even if she wanted to stick me with an F).

I failed last term’s seminar class, which is a capstone, and I chose a different class (I’ve covered this in previous posts) and received the same instructor. This is my last class before graduating. I emailed my student advisor and explicitly told him I would rather not graduate than have to deal with a certain instructor again. He was of no help, told me to stick it out and do my best, blah, blah, blah, and so I started the class. I got the same instructor I spoke to my advisor about.

The first three multiparagraph discussion posts got Fs again and my first milestone (just the paper intro and thesis statement) got a C- with completely unhelpful feedback and accusatory language again. My introduction and thesis statement were checked at the writing center, and they had no problem identifying the thesis and approving it and the introduction. I am dealing with enough stress because of financial aid, unpaid bills, and just a whopping amount of stress, so I stopped participating after week 3. I don’t have the spoons to deal with this guy for another full eight weeks.

I absolutely will not take one of these classes again if I get the same instructor. My degree is for me, and I have principles and a very hard stance regarding them. Obviously, I want to graduate, but I do not handle stress well and it manifests physically, which I cannot tolerate. I am done trying to conform, especially when it is not beneficial to the situation.

Less Stress? Yes!!

Well…It has been a time, let me tell you. I don’t know what I’ve mentioned and what I haven’t, so I may repeat myself; just pretend it’s for emphasis. I got my cap, gown, honors cord, and diploma holder (frame?) from college, and I was pretty excited. The commencement I’m attending virtually is on December 14, but I have not registered for it because FAFSA is stupid. I consolidated my loans a few weeks or months ago and doing that created an overpayment of $1, which isn’t even an overpayment but some residual from the consolidation.

Note the “Excess Amount”

This could not happen. I can have $32,000 in student loans, but $32,001 is unacceptable? So, these geniuses stop my financial aid and throw me into forbearance and nobody thinks to inform me about it for two months. The only reason I found out is because Adam called the school, but we didn’t find out in the first phone call — oh, no, it took four phone calls with 2- and 3-hour hold times before we were told what was going on.

Fortunately, I am not kicked out of school (yet), and the school financial services people were very nice and empathetic, if a bit in the dark about my account. We are heading into the third month of dealing with this and last term’s aid has not shown up. We’re supposed to receive this term’s aid next week. So…yeah. I’m essentially late in paying for three of my classes through no fault of my own (unless you count me choosing to consolidate loans, then it is my fault) and I am supposed to graduate next month. The fat cherry on that sundae is my last class is a redo. I’m taking Seminar in American Literature instead of Seminar in Global Literature, which I took the last time (I switched to get away from the instructor) and I am stuck with the same instructor who accused me of using AI for my homework (I’m a writer; I don’t rely on AI). The stress has been great, literally and sarcastically.

Speaking of stress, I downloaded StressWatch for my Apple Watch, and it is pretty cool. It uses HRV (heart rate variability) to monitor stress levels and lets me know when I’m becoming stressed. It knows several minutes before I even start to experience symptoms. I also recently downloaded an app called Finch, which is supposed to help with ADHD and executive dysfunction. I shared it with Adam, and we are two little baby finches sending hugs and gratitude to each other while completing goals. It’s very cute.

In other news, I was prescribed an insulin pump and had to cancel my training for it three times because of transportation issues, and Adam and I just figured it out ourselves. Adam reads the book and shows and tells me what to do because I can’t remember what I read and get stuff confused. It was very overwhelming at first, but I’m slowly getting the hang of it. That’s not counting me wasting five infusion sets because I forgot to remove the needle cover for Every. Single. One. I had a mini meltdown and threw one of them away too hard for Adam’s liking, so he came over and put the sixth one on me and it took him, like, five seconds to do.

My amoxapine is helping with my productivity at work, but not my memory and executive dysfunction. I can see why since it’s not a stimulant, but I was hoping. The ADHD has worsened so much since Mom died — either that or she deftly handled my limitations and didn’t make them feel like limitations, which she totally did with my autism. I could feel and think I am being normal (for me) because she had my back, and I just flew through life none the wiser until I got evaluated after she died.

One More for the Road

I am now at four works in progress and I’m beginning to think I am the problem 😏. I don’t think I have it in me to write a full-length fiction novel. I get bored and “stuck” very quickly and throw what I’m working on to the side so I can start something new. I mean, I never could read an RL Stine book without skipping to the last chapter, so why would I think I could write all the way through?

My “voice” is strongest and most authentic when I’m writing non-fiction. I have masked for so long that it’s hard to allow myself to come through, but I am learning to do that and it’s most evident in my poetry and new WiP. But even with poetry, I get feedback that I use a lot of classic and traditional words and phrases. I’m not totally sure what that means, but people agreed with the analysis, so it wasn’t just one person.

Anyway, for my advanced creative writing workshop, I have to write a “primary piece” that is not my normal genre (which is poetry). I chose non-fiction because I am most comfortable with that, and I started writing about my life. I’m about 2,000 words in and it’s already painful. I’ve been sitting here crying out of hurt and anger.

First Day of School!

School is back in session! We had a week off, which is awesome because I am suffering from school burnout pretty badly. This term, I have a “new media” class and an advanced creative writing workshop. The new media is about writing using different media, mainly digital (online), from what I can tell. It’s a requirement for my English/creative writing major. The advanced creative writing workshop is the last workshop before graduating, and from what I can tell with it, I have to write in a different genre than my major concentration. My concentration is poetry, so I have to write something that’s not that.

I think I’m going with non-fiction because I’m eyeing writing a memoir. I have a second poetry collection and two fiction novels started, so I’m going to have another work in progress in progress 🤣🤣. I’ve been hesitant to declare I am writing a memoir because my ADHD has my memory in shreds and I’m honestly not that interesting. I think writing essays would suit me, but I really don’t understand what that means. I think of schoolwork when I think of essays, not full-on novels.

I did read a book in class by a popular essayist, Dave or Dan Sedaris (I’ll look him up in a minute), and that gave me some insight, but I don’t know if I could do it. I’m not interesting and don’t have a lot to say on multiple subjects even if they are stories from my life. Plus, my brain goes eighty different directions on a good day, so wrangling my thoughts for several essays sounds intimidating. Okay, the essayist is David Sedaris. I had to read Me Talk Pretty One Day, an intentional title that nonetheless drove me bonkers.

Adam has philosophy and literary theory this term, both classes I’ve taken. I chose the philosophy class as it’s an elective but it was kind of boring to me. It was an easy A, but didn’t make me really think about things like I assumed it would. Of course, when I am passionate about something and want to talk about it, I get all flustered and confuse myself so I can’t have coherent, rational conversations with people 😒. Most of my thoughts on certain subjects culminate in me fervently stating, “I hate people!,” and Adam’s like, “Yeah, I know. Me, too.” Real head-scratching debates take place in this house. One such subject that my husband and I agree on (we disagree on some things because we are autonomous) is inclusive, “tolerant” people being intolerant to intolerant people.

Now, of course, online that is met with hatred, ignorance, and name-calling. Obviously, I’m a bigot, racist, sexist, transphobe, homophobe, etc., because I think for myself and don’t have utopian delusions. You have the same values as me? That’s fine. You have differing values than me? That’s fine, too. People I come into contact with online cannot wrap their heads around this and it’s gross. I have a large family, and some are left, some are right, some are middle. We all get along. No, we don’t all agree on the big three (religion, abortion, sexuality) and that’s fine. We can feel how we want, vote how we want, and remain friendly and a family.

In terms of the online space, to say you are tolerant and inclusive, then boot people from online communities that have nothing to do with values or politics or whatever you want to call it, that’s just…not being tolerant and inclusive. Reddit is really bad about it, and there are people there who freely and loudly admit to creeping on users and banning those users if they visit or join communities the creepers don’t agree with. Like, WTH, people? That is not tolerant and that is certainly not inclusive. The people being kicked aren’t starting crap and politicizing anything; they’re actually the ones sticking to the sub’s topic, unlike the “tolerant” people on a power kick. I’m getting myself irritated so I will stop there.

I bought security cameras after our riding lawn mower was stolen from our driveway, which is a bad time to buy them, but I didn’t know they would be affordable and I didn’t know some losers would steal our mower that had a flat tire (I didn’t know Adam had left it in the driveway, either). They were $17 apiece and are HD and surprisingly nice cameras (Wyze). They alert me when people, pets, vehicles, or packages are detected and I was alerted twice yesterday that a pet was detected on the porch. My thought each time was it was Gandi and our flowerbed is a Pet Sematary, and I stopped myself from checking the footage both times. We now have Sprinkles, Merlin, and Gandi in our flowerbed in front of the driveway.

Crafting Stories and Managing Chaos

So, it’s been fun here! I’m totally burnt out on school, but I think I only have three classes before I graduate! Plus, one of my classes next term is another workshop, and I really like those. Yay! I was working on my first novel (crazy, right?), a few thousand words in, and just really having a hard time with it and thinking it stunk and I stunk, so what did I do? I started another one! I’ve switched from third person present to first person present and I have more words with this second one than I did with the first, which the former took me weeks. I am enjoying the story more and really want to know what happens.

Oh, and authors, if you want a great program to do your writing on, you have to get Scrivener! It is the best writing/editing program I’ve ever used. There’s a steep learning curve with it but after you get comfortable, it seems like the features are very intuitive. Plus, there are tutorials users have written which are very helpful. I’ll screenshot below, which is the program with a theme I selected (Mellow Yellow). The normal program is normal colors and normal font 😊. For $60, it is a steal, and no subscription! I used it to do my poetry collection, and the ebook and print copies look very professional.

Part of Adam coming back from the dead is him actually giving a crap about things and he’s totally not used to it. He’s started thinking about things I always have to think about to run the house and he’s not too fond of it 🤣🤣. Unfortunately, a couple of negative things have occurred. He’s begun thinking about his past addiction (kudos to him for telling me), which I get because he’s a metaphorical runner and tries to get away from dealing with life in any way he can, and he’s been staying with me in Mom’s room for the past month.

Now, I don’t mind him being in here at all, but having the dogs together all day can get nerve-wracking. I was used to cuddling with Ollie and him sleeping by me, and now he’s always playing with Nev or sleeping with him. Plus, the two bozos are very unaware of themselves and others, so when they come in and have a poop run through the house, they jump on the bed and right on me while I’m sleeping! Not a great way to wake up. They are also very butt-y, and I’m getting hit in the legs with butts every time I’m walking 🙄. A good thing is Neville is so smart and easy to train and Ollie tries to follow his lead when I try to teach him something…sometimes. We are working on them not running ahead of me or bowling me over when I take them out, which they are learning. Nev knows what “get back” means and Ollie watches him and scoots back and sits down, for the most part.

Oh, I also have my cat, Phin, and Adam’s cat, Willow, on the desk all the time that they aren’t in the window. I legit have a small litterbox sitting on the desk in front of me because Willow is skittish around the pups. Oh, oh!! I was cleaning out my desk drawer and Willow decided it would make the perfect bed, so…

I need to repaint my desk 😒.

Then, Phin thought that was a good idea, so…

And I’m happy to report they found a great compromise…

Since I don’t spoil my kids at all, I have the top of our small ottoman on the desk, top down, and a bath mat in it so they each have a place to sleep if they don’t want to share. Ah, family…

In the Garden of Remorse Free Preview

Check out the poems’ titles and read my introduction for free! Also, if you have Kind Unlimited, you can read the entire collection!! I would be more than happy to sign any paperback or hardcover copies.