In the Garden of Remorse Free Preview

Check out the poems’ titles and read my introduction for free! Also, if you have Kind Unlimited, you can read the entire collection!! I would be more than happy to sign any paperback or hardcover copies.

I’m Published! Grab Your Copy!!

Well, after a big snafu, my first poetry collection, In the Garden of Remorse, is available on Amazon! I accidentally published it while trying to order a proof copy 😫. A dear friend from California purchased the version with some formatting errors, but he said he would treasure it, warts and all. All versions are available right now, including Kindle Unlimited!

I did not know independent authors still got screwed on the royalties. I had to price my paperback to a ridiculous price (especially for new authors) just to get a little over $5 per sale. I think I get around $3 per sale for the ebook. That would be fine if I had a following or could do decent marketing. No one follows me or cares what I have to say. Oh, well. I’m not doing it for the money, but it would be a great perk. Due to unpopular demand, I’ve decreased all prices 😒.

I hope I make a sale that isn’t family or friends 😂. I need a hype man!

Poetically Pissed Off

Well, I figured my intermediate workshop was going to be a challenge, but I did not know my opinions would be invalidated and my styles and voices questioned. Firstly, I had to stop centering my poetry (which is certainly a style – my preferred style at that). Then, I had to include punctuation, a formatting choice that I used sparingly, which incidentally I am being told to reverse in the new class. Now, I am not supposed to initial capitalize the first word of each new line. Who said I wanted to be a contemporary poet? Oh, and I can’t be inspired by “pop” poets like Rupi Kaur, who is the only contemporary poet I like.

Needless to say, my workshop professor and I are clashing. And I was admonished for stating the poems we read this week made no sense. If something does not make sense to me, I am going to make that clear. Just because some stuffy editors felt otherwise does not mean other people’s opinions should conform. The Emperor’s New Clothes, anybody? Suggesting I am not reading correctly and not that the poet wrote incoherently is insulting. Yellow Submarine is catchy; it is not a top-rate, meaningful song.

Raiding people’s private journals after they die and publishing them is certainly no way to set a precedent on what is the standard and now accepted. That has happened to at least two poets that I know of, Emily Dickinson being one. (She had only 10 poems published with her consent and her catalog is over 1,000.) It’s actually extremely violating and self-serving. I am here to learn, not conform or lie. This week’s reading list included the following:

coping skills lost in the flood
By CA Conrad

make you aching upwards of a
teenage broken phone
come to hear underwater
libraries up the side of
the dinner plate a
little too fast
not ungrateful like
some of  these bastards around here
can’t tap out a tune with you looking away
genies of not enough sleep
a happier location for
the war not the
easiest thing you realize
beautiful architecture
refreshing beverages
our signs read hello love us for
the century of
progress we
gave you
bombers
arriving
early here
they are

From “Listen to the Golden Boomerang Return”

a potato
born by
shovel
I am a
bride of
poetry in
my orange
and purple
gown an
unequaled
extinction
machine
pushing
strollers through
ecosystems of
concrete and plastic
we camel through the journey
with our new playbook for
where plunging hands go
don’t be weird
about this
you can be a
bride of
poetry
too

As you can see, neither poem above is left-aligned, another “rule” we were given for this week’s work.

Third Poem for the Catastrophe
By Joyelle McSweeney

O
melting rainbow that embrace this roof
O
persistent covenant
hangs around
giving us nothing, leaves its muck in the water
expects us to be knocked out by its fine colors
weren’t you nothing too, weren’t you
sea bottom
crunched down into fuel
and when that eggshell roof busts through
mama’s gonna buy you
a rainbow ride for free
an illumination, an inflammation
hyperion flame headdress
dream pins in the fuel
balloons of Koolaid burst down to cool
the sticky baby’s head
plus a credit card a glock a new bible
a princess dress
a mermaid princess dress
so you’ll be twice submerged
or an erased Indian princess
pajama set now go to sleep

Bureau of

This is the body of,
waiting to turn on.

graced with a little tremor,
a little-known form, a fibrous hook,
a flimsy lever that makes the jar work

a lever and a clasp

:voila. The pathetic filofax
unfurls, the owl describes;
on air; makes an apse; lopes left

off the phonepole, woodenly.
we rise above the wind park,
commemorially.

our whorled fossil, pinned open.
our emergency kit
holds aspirin. digitalis. adrenalin-in-in.

So, yeah, I said they seemed drug-induced and made no sense. For one thing, the last poem starts a line with a colon 😒😒. Poetry is mainly for the poet, and I am all for that expression and them writing whatever they want, but I am certainly not required to like it or be encouraged to emulate it and “learn” from it. If I can say a movie makes no sense (and in a lot of instances, I am not the only one who feels that way), I can say a poem makes no sense, because, let’s face it; a lot of them do not. If they make sense to the one writing it, that is fine; great, even. Good for them. But do not belittle me or my intelligence and opinion solely because it does not align with yours. If this is “contemporary,” I will wholeheartedly pass.

Featured image: https://poemanalysis.com/poetry-explained/elements-of-poetry/

The Eyes Have It

Yeah, so that was fun. I had to stay up for training, then got my second wind and wound up staying up for about 40 hours. Then, I got up again at 8 a.m., so it didn’t fix anything 😂😂. We did peer feedback in my poetry workshop, which I am not a fan of. I am in no position to give fellow students feedback. I’m learning myself and telling two of my classmates what they got right or wrong isn’t my place to say. I get all apologetic and self-deprecating which doesn’t help my classmates or me learn anything. I know that is the point of a workshop, people putting their heads together to improve, but it’s not good for someone with anxiety. 

I finally got to buy new glasses. The ones I bought a few months ago were not for me so I went back to Zenni Optical. This place is just awesome. I get regular glasses (not bifocals or progressives) there for $20, which includes my prescription and anti-reflective coating. A pair of lightweight metal frames is $6.95, the optional coating is $4.95, and the prescription is included. You really can’t beat that. 

Since I had to get progressives this time, I chose premium progressives which have a 40% bigger viewing area for the bottom (reading) part, unlike the ones I got at Lens Mart that drove me bonkers because 2/3 of the bottom was blurry on each side of each lens total – one-third of the lens is blurry on one side, the tiny middle third is the clear part, and the last third on the other side of the lens is blurry, all by design. With a 10% student discount, these glasses were only $70. The frames I chose this time were $20, which increased the price, and premium progressives add $52; regular progressives with the crap viewing area is $35, I think. 

I don’t want to pay out the wazoo for top-notch glasses (expensive frames, special additional coating, etc.) because I am bad about not wearing them (good at not wearing them, I guess). I hate wearing them when I am hot or sweaty because they get foggy and smudgy. I take them off a lot and it would just be a waste of money if I stop wearing them. I am nothing if not realistic and self-aware. 

I tried contacts once and they rubbed a blister on the inside of my eyelid of my bad eye which hurt like the dickens. It’s the eye I’ve had three surgeries on instead of two and I don’t know if that was a factor or not. I wish I could get contacts to wear for the times I’m hot but I have enough trouble with my eyes that I don’t need a sore eyelid on top of that. No, thank you! 

Adam in his glasses. 

Adam needs glasses but he won’t wear them, of course. But he looks so cute in them! Look at him! He’s all up in my health business, but when it comes to him, that’s an entirely different story. I can’t get him to get his breathing issues taken care of and it’s been a fight to keep him on blood pressure medication. He has had sleeping studies and he doesn’t have sleep apnea, but he never enters REM when he is sleeping and his pulse ox goes in the 80s while he is sleeping. He would probably be in a better mood and less angry at the world if he actually got some meaningful sleep. But what do I know? I’ve only been working in the medical field since 2006 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🙄🙄. 

I guess the topic today was eyes, although I really thought it was just going to be about school. 

I’m Self-Centered, Poetically Speaking

I just read an article on The WEIGHT Journal and I didn’t like it one bit. No idea what I was googling (usual for me), but I came upon a piece talking about poetry format and how center-formatted poems are considered written by amateur poets and a lot of editors will reject these poems without even reading them. Like. . .what? Center-formatted poems are considered outdated and modernist or “traditional,” which are eras we are not currently in, although I personally think the eras need to be updated since “modernist” means late 1800s to mid-1900s; I guess we’re in modern (no -ist)/contemporary now. That may be a lie; I don’t really pay attention to poetic eras and movements. I just read what I like, but I digress.

I have been center-formatting poems since I started writing them back when I owned only notebooks, then briefly on a word processor that took 3-1/2″ floppies. It’s been a while, to say the least. I think it looks better to center them and makes them easier to read, and I like the shape of the poem if each line has a different word count or a graduated word count. I have two or three non-centered poems that were intentional and aesthetically pleasing to me. That’s three out of 50+. 

Rupi Kaur, for one, is all over the place with her intentional formatting. One of her poems is in a diamond format meant to represent a woman’s vagina. For one to be so arrogant as to say they refuse to read a poet’s work due to formatting is downright blasphemous and ignorant to me. It’s like, “I’m sorry, you’re an outright wordsmith, but I could not tolerate looking at your words in the center of my screen. Good luck with your endeavors.” How can you call yourself an editor or poet or professional, making statements like that? Anyway, it pissed me off and set my PDA (pathological demand avoidance) into overdrive, obviously. 

So, I was mega-banned from Reddit because of an immature left-wingnut in a sub and that doesn’t bode well for my PDA, either. They made some BS statement about how the alt-right isn’t welcome in the sub they moderate, and I asked if they had the same rule for the alt-left, so I was banned from that sub (an “inclusive” ADHD sub, btw). I’m neither alt-right nor alt-left, but the hypocritical bigotry infuriates me and my elevated sense of equality and justice. I told Adam about being banned from the sub for saying what I did, so he went to that sub and asked the same question, and that got me permanently mega-banned via fingerprinting, which means the entire household is banned from Reddit. RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria), come join PDA! It’s even more infuriating that I care and have been crying about it and I wish I didn’t and haven’t been. 

To combat my hermitness, I’ve joined Tumblr, and I don’t know what to think of it. It doesn’t seem to be my cup of tea so far, but I am not much of a Facebook user and I don’t like X/Twitter. Instagram is pretty boring to me. I just get so bored not having anyone to talk to or relate to. I feel invisible 99% of the time in life and Reddit has ferociously reinforced that. Even my service dog-in-training prefers to be with Adam. How can one ignore that?