Tag: Life

Lookin’ Good!

Daily writing prompt
Describe a random encounter with a stranger that stuck out positively to you.
View all responses

I saved this prompt because it prompted (heh, heh, heh) me to think of something I’ve not forgotten. Back when Mom first started chemo, she started losing her hair. She has always had short hair since I’ve been around, although it was to her waist when she was in high school, which is wild to me. She told me she used to straighten it with a clothing iron; equally wild. Also, she sucked at styling hair, which I inherited from her, sadly. She would get perms, then curl her permed hair, like, the next day. Anyway, my point is it never looked good to me, but it was hers.

Obviously, chemo is known for one of its many side effects being hair loss. It is almost synonomous with it, but not all chemo drugs carry this common side effect, and I know a lot of the oral chemo drugs do not. The chemo my dad was on did not make him lose his hair, but he apparently lost a lot of weight (I didn’t get to see him). Mom was able to avoid being super nauseous on a regimen of Zofran or Phenergan.

Mom was losing hair in the shower, so she decided to go to the mall and have her head shaved, then go to Claire’s and get some scarves and turbans. She gets her head shaved, and I am the one standing in the back crying. She does so well keeping it together but she does not wish to look in the mirror when the stylist is done. We cover her head with something before leaving the salon, which I forget what it was, and we make our way to Claire’s.

At Claire’s we find a lot of cute scarves and turbans and she tries them out, all the while facing away from the little mirrors. Using scarves as head wraps was new to us, but Mom had watched some videos on YT of how to do it and there was more than one way to fix them. She chooses a number of each, and when she goes to pay for them, the clerk gives her a 50% discount, which I thought was super cool and so sweet. We continue on to Target.

Mom’s in a wheelchair, which we are new to navigating in public but she was in some pain and pretty tired and Adam and I fought with her about using one or we would not be shopping. I could always gauge how she felt on a given day by how much of a fight she gave us. This was a low fight day. While we maneuver her out of the walkway so she could try some hats and more scarves out, Mom’s kind of hunched down trying to be less noticeable and she keeps touching the scarf on her head nervously. It was a big day full of all sorts of emotions felt by all three of us.

So, we’re pulled off to the side on the carpeted area near the head gear and people are walking by us, and a man sees Mom and says, “Lookin’ good!” and gives her a wave or thumbs-up, which just warmed my heart so much! Mom gives him a smile and thanks him and she seems to relax a little bit.

As time went on, she became more comfortable going bare-headed, mostly because wigs, scarves, and turbans made her too hot and she would get sweaty, which she hated. The wigs never looked right on her because they were styled well and cute. Her hair grew in steel gray, which was so weird because she had only countable gray hairs before losing it, and Grandma had very few as well and she died in her 70s. Mom’s hair matched her eyes, which no one ever realized that she had gray eyes because of her mess of curled and sprayed hair. My brother told her how pretty her eyes were and how she looked much better “without that ugly mop of hair.” 🤣🤣 I think she was most beautiful with her new baby hair.

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this is me trying

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have talked, hinted, blogged, poeted, texted, reacted, proacted, and nothing has changed. Why do men continue to think that it is a woman’s job to assume a motherly role? There are not strict gender roles any longer for majority thinkers.

I can take the trash out, do the litter box, get myself up for appointments, and get things done, whether I outsource those jobs or do them myself. I don’t need a man, I need a partner (unless I want to be single, then I need myself, the cats, and Ollie Bear).

Don’t want to do the “dirty work”? Choose the more desirable tasks without being asked or told and those are what you get. If you unload the dishwasher and consider that your part, guess what the other person is doing? Loading the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. My brother and I had that chore after school and he would run home (he pushed me down a hill a couple of times to get home before me) so he could unload the dishes and I would have to touch the dirty, gross ones. If the dishwasher was empty and just needed loaded, he made sure I got home before he did. Siblings are great, huh 😂😂? But leave the decision-making to someone else and at their discretion, you’re on 💩 duty every time; quite literally with a puppy and blind cat. That’s the way the cookie crumbles.

My guts are spilling out (literally) and I’m still doing more than my part. Taylor dropped a lyric from the new album and it sums it up well, as she tends to do: Even statues crumble if they’re made to wait. I have seen a lot of instances where men and women think their partners will stay around because their parents stayed together regardless of how they were treated. I am not like that. My mom became a strong woman and taught me there is a limit and I can certainly stand my ground and say enough is enough (and I will).

I have changed everything for the loml in the last ten years. I went from having a caretaker my entire life, briefly having two in Mom and Adam for three years, to running an entire household by myself, having an independent, and trying to figure out everything. Mom didn’t know she was going to die and I would be flying solo. I think she thought if she didn’t make plans and preparations, she possibly could not die, which I totally get. She taught me many things but not everything (do parents ever get the opportunity to teach their children everything they want to before they die?).

I mean, I paid Mom’s house off with her life insurance by mailing a very large personal check via the post office… Obviously, that was incredibly stupid but I did not know that was a no-no because I knew about traveler’s checks but not certified checks or other secure ways to make transactions, like money orders, in 2014. I just knew I needed to get it done so I wouldn’t have to worry about the mortgage. The house bank called and asked if I was attempting to pay the house off and I think I started crying and told them what was going on. They were very helpful and took care of it for me.

All this is on top of living with someone who was too emotionally abused and stunted for me to be able to be myself. I never had to pretend or suppress with Mom when I got older because she was used to me and would back off and let me regulate on my own. Now, when I’m overwhelmed and need to decompress, I am asked “what’s wrong?” constantly until I answer or he marches off in a huff.

Even though we have a nephew on the spectrum, I am not supposed to behave or react out of neurotypical character. I have always had such expectations placed on me when other family wasn’t held to the same. I was supposed to be the good girl, the polite one, never speak up, never confront, let things go, etc. I cannot become irrationally frustrated or physical with things or have my entire mood ruined because one small thing was not as I expected or wanted it. That results in me containing everything, and my mental and physical health deteriorates until I can barely function and I break instead of merely snapping.

I really don’t ask for much, seriously. I want a relatively clean home free of ants or ladybugs (which means food and drink and trash not left all over the house), a mowed and trimmed lawn, and things repaired around the house. We’ve had a roof leak in the bathroom forever that should have been repaired a long time ago. But instead of getting it done, he’s going to wait until the ceiling caves in and then try to comfort me when I lose my 💩 because I don’t have the money to fix the roof or the ceiling.

When I just stop to see how bad he lets things get, it’s pointed out to me as soon as I fuss at him (well, you left this out and that there; you do this and that; you act this way; everything is a comparison with no responsibility taken, ever).

Of course, I’m the dramatic and unreasonable one for wanting it fixed yesterday, or wanting anything done, really. I already have to figure out how to replace the floors and subfloors in the kitchen, living room, and Mom’s room on my own because of the cats. I didn’t grow up in garbage and I don’t like being forced to live in it just because someone else did and has zero self-respect. Love and support are not the only things one needs.

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Stick a Fork in Me; I’m Done

I worked on my Shakespeare PowerPoint presentation for hours and a couple of hours after submission, my teacher emailed me to let me know how bad it was and that it didn’t make sense. For context, I love making PowerPoints because I can be very creative with them and every teacher before this one has loved them; most recently, my literary theory professor.

Madness in HamletDownload

I spent most of the day crying and jerking (I don’t know why I jerk) before finally taking my anxiety medication and getting some sleep. My perfectionism did not let me not submit my final paper. I had most of it done, anyway.

On a good note, Taylor’s new album comes out in one day!! It is also Mom’s death anniversary, but I have something to smile about on that day finally. It is a little light in the dark that has been the last couple of weeks.

I don’t remember if I mentioned it here but I changed my pup’s name to Oliver instead of Oswald. He just does not seem badass enough to be an Ozzy 😂. He has taken the change quite well and we call him Ollie. Adam calls him Oliver Twist, so I guess he is Oliver Twist Hemingway. He has been very helpful with reducing my stress since he is pretty cuddly, but, like Neville, he wants to lick my face when we are facing each other.

And, my goodness, these boys are so jealous! When I take them out to pee, Neville gets back on the porch before Ollie and gets on my lap. I found out yesterday that Nev’s head comes to my shoulder when he is standing on his back legs, which he can take several steps like this (it’s kinda creepy, like the Scooby Doo movie). I introduced Ollie to my sensory room and we lay on my soft rug and Mom’s Steeler throw. He did pretty well being still. I really need to get a video of him jumping off the porch; it is hilarious. I want to make a little red cape with an O on it.

Sorry for all the April Showers

Huh. WP PC app is back to normal, so I don’t know what that was all about.

It’s April again, and I thought things would get easier but that isn’t the case. April 10, National Siblings Day, marked five years since my brother died. He didn’t even make it to 40. We weren’t physically close as he lived in a different state and neither of us liked using the phone, but I adored him and loved when he came to visit or I went to his house. After Mom died, I got the best sleep and rest when I stayed with him and his family for a weekend.

April 19th will make 10 years since Mom died. That is also the date of Taylor Swift’s new album, so I will have something to smile about at least. Mom and I were/are longtime fans since Tim McGraw. I cannot believe it has been a decade that she has been gone. I wish there was an AI program that could create her voice. All I have for that is an answering machine outgoing message that I captured on my phone after she died. No videos. No recordings.

I don’t sound like her, so I can’t even record myself and pretend it’s her. I sound more like my dad, unfortunately. My birthday is at the end of the month, 10 days after Mom died. I don’t celebrate it. Depression and trauma covers an entire month for me! I will be 29 again this year, per usual. Just like Phineas is 11 months old every year. He is my baby and always will be.

I was banned from Reddit again but only for 7 days this time. I made a comment that I don’t like the F-word and wish people would stop using it and someone called me a baby, so I tagged Adam in it. Adam made a comment to this guy, so the loser got Adam banned from the sub and when I participated in another post in the same sub, I was banned for “ban evasion” because the idiots at Reddit cannot comprehend that more than one person in a household can have a Reddit account. I really, really hate Reddit with a passion but I have no other social outlet. X is a cesspool as well, and Facebook isn’t really that active since they screwed up the feed and don’t show recent posts first. I don’t get Tumblr, although I do have an account I reactivated yesterday.

I appealed Reddit’s decision, again, and was turned down, again. It makes my blood boil, but I am trying to keep my mouth shut. Reddit workers and moderators are such fascists with too much time on their hands. They have subreddits with any type of porn (made up of Reddit users) one can imagine, subs for photos of upskirt shots (not consenual), and some of the most disgusting fetish subs, but I get banned because some pissant can dish it out but not take it when my husband defends me. It has not been a good month 😒.

I guess this month makes a year since I started this site/blog. Yay, me! Why do we use the word “yay” when the correct spelling is “yea”? I do it because people think I just made a typo while trying to say “yeah.” Why do people just take it upon themselves to change the way things are spelled and then claim that is what is correct? Like “could of, should of, would of.” Or, one of the worst phrases, “I could care less.” You’re not stating you really don’t care by saying you could actually care less than you do. Come on, people. If you could not tell, I am very cranky at the moment. It seems like it was New Years just last week.

In my next post, I will talk about how utterly insufferable Adam is because of Neville!! If only I had listened to myself. (Do I ever??) Also, we will be losing one of our babies very soon.

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I’d Rather Have you Back Again than all that Mountain Dew

Daily writing prompt
Describe one positive change you have made in your life.
View all responses

What the heck happened to the WordPress PC app? My editor is all the way to the left now instead of in the middle. I don’t like it! I buck all change by default, but there is just too much coming at me at once.

Should it look like this or am I going crazy? Possibly both.

Whatever. One positive change I have made in my life (there aren’t many) is I stopped drinking Mountain Dew a few years ago. I drank it for years and it was my and Mom’s favorite thing to drink. I would drink 10-12 cans a day! One day, I just got tired of it. I was like, “I don’t want to drink this anymore, I’m going to quit,” and I did. I started drinking Lipton Diet Green Tea Citrus and drank that for a long time until my psychiatrist prescribed Wellbutrin. I don’t know why but that medicine changed my taste (a rare side effect) and that tea was terrible from that point on! I had to give away what I had stocked up on.

I switched to diet raspberry tea because I love raspberry tea and the diet version is acceptable. My absolute favorite tea it the peach bellini raspberry tea that Olive Garden has!! I want to be able to buy that in the store so badly! It would actually be a good move for OG because they are struggling; perhaps not as bad as their sibling restaurant Red Lobster.

I now drink Dr. Pepper Zero Strawberries & Cream, which is so good! I have never liked diet or zero sugar pop, but this stuff is yummy. It keeps my sugars in check as well, which is always a plus. I’ve discussed with my husband how fake sugars have improved over what used to be used. I hate the taste of Splenda, but they now have Splenda monk fruit and I cannot tell the difference between that and sugar when I cook with it.

I went off the rails here a bit, but my answer stands that I made a positive change in my life by getting rid of sugary pop in my diet.

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Dream a Little Dream of Me

I started a new medicine this week because we still have not found an ADHD medicine that helps me (I think I could do crack without feeling a thing) due to my Dandy Walker or one of my many autoimmune disorders, I’m assuming. I am to take it three times a day, which has been a trip even with the Hero Health machine (which I love, btw).

Anyway, like most antidepressants, I dream and remember those dreams when I first start taking them, and this has been no different. I may dream after adjusting to the medications, but not that I remember. The first night, I dreamt I was with Johnny Depp. He looked kind of like his character in Secret Window and had a floppy brown leather hat (not like the black hat in the movie), glasses, a bleached denim shirt, and all his usual accessories. I don’t know where we were or why we were together, but he was very kind and humble.

I do remember that I changed my shirt a lot and I apologized about it and he was cool with that. Also, he commented about the amount of cat food we had, but I can’t remember ever seeing Mom’s house in the dream. I told him it wasn’t a lot of cat food when living with five cats (to paraphrase). I hadn’t watched any of his movies or read anything about him so I don’t know why he was in my dream. Usually, my dreams have a little bit of life sprinkled in them. I very much recommend meeting him in person.

The next night, I dreamt about having low blood sugar, and I vaguely remember Adam waking me up and giving me cookies, so my sugar was low for real. Sometimes I remember him feeding me, sometimes I don’t, and sometimes I think I dreamt it and have to ask him. With my continuous glucose monitor (CGM), he is alerted on his phone when my sugar goes below 55, which is awesome because it does that so often. My watch alerts me, but I sleep through it because I am obviously out of my head.

In my dream, we were at my Family Christmas at one of my family members’ houses, and I don’t know if Adam was afraid they would criticize him for letting my sugar get low (not his fault, of course) or not having any sugar on hand in case it got low, but I told him abruptly that it was low and then I went unconscious. I saw the rest of my dream from above us. He basically Weekend at Bernie’d me so my family would not know I was not conscious. He made me wave by pulling my sleeve, kept my head on his arm or chest, walked me through the house, visited with my family, etc., while I was all Bernie’d out. And that’s all I remember.

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Malicious Compliance

I swear, I have not cried this much since taking Applied Statistics 😭😭😭!! Aside from my poetry workshop professor being totally useless and providing no guidance, my Shakespeare teacher is just as bad, if not worse. She gave me an F on my final project rough draft! No, I did not earn an F; it was freely (and probably gleefully) given. Unless people are dying or I’m drowning in untreated depression, I do not get Fs. The only non-A grade I’ve earned is a C+ in statistics. I’m giving a breakdown, so if you don’t want to read a lot of whining, I suggest skipping this post.

Contradiction One

This assignment is a partial rough draft of my final paper. Partial, as in not complete, because we are just starting week 6 and this was week 5’s assignment and there are 8 weeks per term. Okay, so the entire final paper is supposed to be four to eight pages including the References page, which is a page by itself. I submitted three written pages and one References page, so that is four pages for a partial rough draft. I get zero points in the spelling and grammar section because my four pages include the References page. That is my only zero on this assignment. There is no paper-length grading section, so she just stuck the zero in spelling and grammar, which is a travesty in itself because I am a spelling and grammar Nazi.

Contradiction Two

As seen in the announcement above, there is no need to summarize the play and provide an overview of the plot. Okie-dokie. I don’t feel it is necessary, so I leave out the plot and go on to briefly describe the context within Elizabethan culture.

And I get the grading score below 👇👇.

It should be, “You start off well…”

Contradiction Three

As a general rule, I do not like using quotes in my papers because that makes the school’s TurnItIn anti-plagiarism program’s score higher and a lot of teachers won’t even audit the program to see if it is capturing properly cited and quoted texts (quotes) and flagging them as plagiarism. I would rather write it in my own words and include the references on the References page, as one’s supposed to do even with paraphrasing or rephrasing. So, I did the latter, per usual, for my thematic summary and got positive feedback with this comment:

Since I can follow directions and take feedback well, I added direct quotes and in-text citations in my partial rough draft. Same approved scholarly resources, but I pulled some quotes from a couple of them and cited them. I am now told to not use “long quotes” (it was bullet points) and instead “use [my] own voice” and also not end on quotes but my own voice; you know, like I was doing before. Just…whatever.

Since she has pissed me off, and I can be petty, I included a quote from her announcement about not needing to summarize the play (in-text citation and including her in the references) and am doing a play-by-play of The Taming of the Shrew and the movie 10 Things I Hate About You since I am so “vague.” I go through the rubric point by point to make sure I cover everything, and I have taken 300-level classes before and aced them, so I do not believe I am missing something.

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Don’t Die, My Love, Now that Andi’s Gone

Daily writing prompt
What book could you read over and over again?
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I’ve re-read a lot of books because of my love of reading and hyperlexia. My most-worn books are Now That Andi’s Gone and Don’t Die, My Love. I read a lot of sad YA books growing up 😂. I also really liked My Darling, My Hamburger and read it a few times, as well as The Lovely Bones. I think my absolute favorite re-read is I Am Ozzy by Ozzy Osbourne. That’s a weird choice for me, considering I was never an Ozzy or Black Sabbath fan, but the book is awesome. I’ve listened to his solo stuff since (although I do love Changes).

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AuDHD Associations (and Animal Cruelty)

Disclaimer/Trigger warning: Do not read the article I linked if you cannot tolerate descriptions of animal abuse. There are no pictures of the animals, but it gives some details that I wish I had not read.

I have a hard time differentiating and separating. Those might not be the correct words but I don’t know what would. Association, maybe? A component of rigid/black-and-white thinking. I was very fond of my grandfather (Dad’s dad) and he had big teeth with a gap, and a warm smile. My entire life, I’ve noticed that feature and it would make me like that person. Like, I have a soft spot for 50 Cent because I think he looks like my grandfather due to the big teeth. Never mind that they aren’t the same skin color 😂. The same goes for Gary Busey and Chris Rock.

In the same vein, my dad had a deep voice, so I am taken by that as well. James Earl Jones, Sam Elliott (he’s not bad on the eyes, either), Barry White, Morgan Freeman, the deep-voice dudes from The Statler Brothers and The Oak Ridge Boys, etc.

I met a work friend of Mom’s one time at the mall and due to AuDHD, I never could remember her name. However, this lady was decked out in purple from head to toe, so I called her the Grape Lady. Whenever Mom would talk about this friend, I would ask, “the Grape Lady?” and Mom would confirm or deny. I do that with most things because my brain is a bit slow on the uptake with a lot of things. I could not think of the word “vacuum” on more than one occasion and move my arm away from and near my body and say “vroom, vroom” to let my husband know to what I am referring. He is actually very good with these clues 😂😂.

Anyway, this association thing, or whatever it’s called, works negatively as well. My aunt had a little ankle biter that bit my ear one time — no blood, but it did not feel good — and he soured me on all small dogs, so his behavior affected my view of a huge number of dog breeds. It’s not intentional, but it is what it is.

So, to my point. While searching for a puppy, I found a site named Greenfield Puppies. My brother-in-law lives in the same state that kept popping up in my search as closest to me, so I thought he may be close to some of the breeders (I was incorrect). The results included pictures and videos of the puppies, and I could tell many of the breeders were Amish, as mentioned in my previous post.

On Reddit and Facebook, people say reputable breeders offer health guarantees and socialization, which these breeders offered, as well as the purebred puppies being registered. The puppies were going fast site-wide, so I chose a puppy and breeder and googled them. I was looking for something like a social media page that included the pups’ parents, which I had found when doing the same with Goldens. The first result I got was a news article, Lancaster County kennel owner pleads guilty to animal cruelty in 2018 ‘debarking’ case. Same last name, same state and county, same lifestyle/religious(?) affiliation.

Being me, I became immediately distressed and sick to my stomach. I contacted my BIL to see if he could find out more since he goes through breeders, and he only found what I found and said the woman was probably related to the breeders, especially since the Amish are a tight-knit, oft-related group and apparently are very into breeding animals/running mills, which I didn’t know, either. I’m a very sheltered and naïve person in many ways, which is odd since I’m so cynical and a realist for the most part. With animal abuse and cruelty becoming a felony, I became too trusting in people being law-abiding.

Then came the conundrum. Do I shun them (no pun intended) because they are running mills and treating animals poorly or do I rescue a puppy so he doesn’t have to live in that situation any longer? I decided to go with that breeder and wish for the best, which may mark my character but I was really torn and wanted the puppy to have a good life outside of his first three months. Then, the whole 💩storm happened that I wrote in my last post. Now, I am extremely put off by the Amish. It’s not something I am proud of but the research and the experience Adam went through getting our puppy and the way Ozzy has acted since getting here are negatives upon negatives.

After Ozzy got here, he did not know how to enter the house (which I think I mentioned previously). Except for getting in the bed with me, he prefers the floor, which is sad but makes sense since Adam said the puppies were in a barn. Everything is just so new to him and it makes me really sad. The “socialization,” I’m guessing was the breeder’s wife and kids taking turns to feed them but not pay much attention to them. I am very glad he is here but I feel so bad for him for how he was born and briefly grew up.

Neville’s experience was so different. His breeder shared tons of videos and pictures of him playing with his brothers and sisters, fetching, swimming, training, and being loved on. He knew how to sit and have his collar placed. He knew how to walk on a leash. He loves hugging us and sits at our feet. He is a wonderful, amazing, smart dog. I hope he can teach his brother some of that!

I always adopt/rescue and not shop, but I wanted a reliable service dog, and now I am paying the price because I have contributed to the worst type of people (mill runners, not necessarily the Amish) and the only consolation is that I can give Ozzy the best life imaginable since I put all my kids first.

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My Cutest Mistake

Do I have a story to tell, and I was not even in attendance! I take a while to tell stories in writing because I try to explain a lot, so bear with me. Since Neville chose Adam and has as little to do with me as possible, I have been pretty upset. Plus, one day, Adam made me feel exactly like Dad and his second wife made me feel, which cut deep. It was a whole thing, and I could not tell Adam what was wrong because I would just start crying and I finally told him via text. It wasn’t intentional, but it’s how I felt.

Anyway, I started looking for Golden retrievers because they make good service dogs and are very helpful for disabled people. While I was looking at Goldens on the Greenfield Puppies site, I looked through the other breeds and they had Bernese Mountain dogs (BMDs), which have always been my dream dog after I discovered them. Before that, it was rottweilers and Golden retrievers.

Breeders in my state charge a crazy price (probably standard, but crazy to me) for dogs which is why I chose another state fairly close to us. The Goldens and BMDs were about 80% cheaper and AKC registered with health guarantees, the last two things are supposed to be signs of reputable breeders. I’m not too concerned with the AKC thing, but it is a perk.

After weeks of searching, I found a cute little BMD named Kyle who was only $50 more than a Golden and he was about 5 hours away from us. Since we don’t have a car, we tried to find a way to get him because shipping him here would have been $500 in and of itself, which is no bueno. I could rent a car for $65+ gas and that would be much cheaper, obvi. I found lots of puppies, but they were going fast because the prices drop as the puppies get older.

“Kyle” (breeder photo)

So, I called(!!) the breeder and told him I would like to buy Kyle and he said okay and wanted to know when I could get him and I said it would be two weeks. He said that people were calling about the ones left because the price had just decreased so I asked if I could send a deposit. I could tell by multiple videos that a lot of the breeders on this site were Amish. The location includes Amish country and the way the women were dressed was very telling. Fine. No big deal. They have to make money somehow, but that meant no PayPal or Cash App and the like.

The guy said I could mail a check for 70% of the cost of Kyle and I could let him know when it was in the mail. I said I would and I did so through bill pay with my bank because who has paper checks these days?!? Well, we were able to make arrangements to get the pup a week earlier, which was fine with the breeder, and his wife told me via phone to bring cash for what I owed them. I was sleeping when she called, but said okay and hung up. I was not going to be in a car for 5 hours and then try to work, so Adam was going.

Five hours later, Adam gets to the breeder’s, and the guy refuses to give him the pup because he wants the full amount in cash and would not accept the check that arrived that day (I also had screenshots from my bank for Adam to show him in case the check hadn’t made it). He said people were coming who were going to pay more for the dog because the jerk did not mark the dog as sold after we settled on me putting a deposit down. I guess there were words, and the guy went into his house and would not come out. I was livid. Like, ice-cold livid.

I had already seen an atrocious animal abuse/puppy mill case online when searching the breeder’s last name (different first name, but same location and most likely related), so I had soured on the Amish, which I will discuss why in another post. I called the breeder and told him via answering machine (because… Amish) that I had recorded our phone conversations (I had not) and my husband would not leave without getting the police involved. I did not know that Adam had already left; he had terrible cell service there, we found out. Before he left, Adam said he told the guy he would be hearing from our lawyer (we don’t have one).

The breeder called me back a bit later, which I didn’t answer because I’m emotionally stunted and cannot handle confrontation or back up my bravado, but I read the message as he was leaving it (thanks, Apple!) and he said something along the lines of he didn’t want me to not have a puppy or go home without a puppy. I called Adam to tell him to stop driving but couldn’t get through so called through Facebook Messenger (thanks, Facebook!) and he was already talking to the breeder and was going to go back there to get the puppy. He had already made it an hour away from there 🥹🥹🥹.

The breeder tried to act like he had a change of heart and wanted to do the right, honest thing, but Adam said he had expected the full price of the pup in cash and wanted to keep the deposit check as well!

About 7 or 8 hours after that, I got my little boy 🥰🥰. He was a mess because he got car sick several times, so he had to get a bath as soon as he got to his new home. I don’t think he has ever been in a house. Adam said the pups were in a barn in a stable with other animals, and his bath water was so dirty. He didn’t know how to step into the house, either, and is still getting used to going in and out of the house. He didn’t know how to take treats from my fingers/hand. He is learning.

Bathed!

I named him Oswald Hemingway and we call him Oz or Ozzy. Neville is super jealous but also really wants to play with him. They are 8 months apart in age, so we have to watch Nev doesn’t get too rough, and Ozzy definitely cannot keep up with him. Nev does his Phoebe running with him, which is hilarious. I’m at square one with potty training because he was an outside/barn pup (which I did not know), so that is a pain. Neville is much more motivated and eager to learn, but he also had a good breeder who taught him things before we got him.

So that is my very long, exhausting story of how we got our latest member of the family.

After playtime.
Getting comfy.
home