Tag: College

Show Me the Money!

Featured Image: Copyright: ©RichVintage Photography

These last two school terms have been insufferable! Like, wearing-my-shoulders-as-earrings, can’t-move-my-neck, horrid-headaches insufferable. So, we have the issues with financial aid that are still ongoing and who knows when they will be resolved. This is with Adam and me calling student financial services nearly every day and getting such varying responses that eventually culminate in us being told my case is being reviewed. The case has been reviewed since September, supposedly 🙄. The people at SNHU’s financial office are very kind and sympathetic, but they don’t know what’s going on half the time — as we say here, the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand’s doing.

Neither Adam nor I get why things are not moving faster on SNHU’s financial aid department’s part because they have not been paid for my last two terms, which is around $3,000, give or take. They aren’t even getting my Pell grants and whatever else I qualify for that I don’t have to pay back. I have yet to graduate, but that is somewhat on me, but not really.

Because of the recent next-level AI emergence, professors/instructors have been on an unofficial AI witch hunt without any official regulations in place, which has made classes a nightmare not just for me, but loads of SNHU online students who post in the Facebook group. Apparently, which I have witnessed firsthand, students simply cannot sound intelligent/professional and do the work on their own, so must all be utilizing AI. The work then gets sent for review, and I have yet to see any students being found guilty, for lack of a better term that I can’t think of right now.

My work was submitted to the review board more than once last term by the instructor, who whined incessantly about AI in the announcements without providing any proof we students were using it, but that didn’t stop the instructor from failing my assignments as well as my discussion posts and bitching about vagueness and originality, like I was thinking too much and not using enough quotes, which are flagged by TurnItIn as plagiarism; a key reason I prefer to paraphrase and cite instead of quoting 🙄. These fails were after I submitted my work to the college’s writing center and received positive feedback from them, save the discussion posts, which aren’t worth much.

I am an A student except for applied statistics, which I got a C+. The only problems I have had with my grades have been issues with the instructors, like the Shakespeare bitch giving me a zero for a fully formed and thought-out PowerPoint (which should have garnered some points since I did the assignment, even if she wanted to stick me with an F).

I failed last term’s seminar class, which is a capstone, and I chose a different class (I’ve covered this in previous posts) and received the same instructor. This is my last class before graduating. I emailed my student advisor and explicitly told him I would rather not graduate than have to deal with a certain instructor again. He was of no help, told me to stick it out and do my best, blah, blah, blah, and so I started the class. I got the same instructor I spoke to my advisor about.

The first three multiparagraph discussion posts got Fs again and my first milestone (just the paper intro and thesis statement) got a C- with completely unhelpful feedback and accusatory language again. My introduction and thesis statement were checked at the writing center, and they had no problem identifying the thesis and approving it and the introduction. I am dealing with enough stress because of financial aid, unpaid bills, and just a whopping amount of stress, so I stopped participating after week 3. I don’t have the spoons to deal with this guy for another full eight weeks.

I absolutely will not take one of these classes again if I get the same instructor. My degree is for me, and I have principles and a very hard stance regarding them. Obviously, I want to graduate, but I do not handle stress well and it manifests physically, which I cannot tolerate. I am done trying to conform, especially when it is not beneficial to the situation.

~*~Colors of Death~*~

Death leaves a mark 

on those left behind — 

A tattoo on the soul,

a rainbow of lines.  


The deep green of envy 

for those who’ve not lost — 

Blissfully ignorant of 

what love really costs.  


The anger burns white, 

much hotter than red — 

It courses through the chest 

and leaves a lingering dread.


Yellow is the fear 

to face the world alone —

A fear of being lost

in a world of unknown.  


Blue is the calm,

a serene, soothing haze — 

Not one to remain,

it hits us in waves.  


Red is the love, 

the one thing that’s real — 

It’s something to cling to

while we try to heal.

Grammarly vs. ProWritingAid vs. Hemingway App

Imported from Medium, 2020

We could all use a little less editing in our lives, amirite? It is super frustrating to spend hours working on an article or post and feel proud of it, only to get an email with “Revision Request” or “Rejected” in the subject line. Or maybe your work is full of comments in the margins that tell you what you did incorrectly. Well, there’s an app for that.

Which one to use, though? The three I have used, Grammarly, ProWritingAid, and Hemingway App, are powerful editing tools that will improve your writing and cut down on editing.

All three tools have very generous free versions. They are pretty cool apps, but I’m sure the paid versions are much more useful and worth the money. I’m typing this in the Hemingway App editor since I haven’t used it much. Let’s get started!

Grammar and Editing Applications

Grammarly, ProWritingAid, and Hemingway Editor are apps designed to help you write well. They check your spelling, grammar, sentence structure, and more. I’ll go through them app by app.

Grammarly

I have used Grammarly the longest. I found it while attending college because English Comp I and II tried to kill me. The free version includes a chromium-based browser extension, desktop app, Microsoft Word add-in, Outlook add-in, phone app, and new iPad app. I’m an Apple person, so I don’t know about other tablets. The iPad is a new feature.

Grammarly catches misspelled words and normal “common” mistakes like your/you’re, judgment/judgement, its/it’s, there/their/they’re, is/are, etc., all on the fly (as you are typing). A newer feature will let you see what tone your writing is in, be it business, academic, casual, humorous, and the like.

Performance Scores

The Grammarly editor scans your uploaded documents and scores your writing out of 100 based on correctness, clarity, engagement, delivery (with suggestions in each category), and premium features, which can’t be viewed in depth, but the number of errors will decrease if you guess your error(s) and correct it.

You can adjust goals for audience, formality, domain (style), tone, and intent for each document you open in the editor for custom editing.

The free version has really expanded since I last used it, and Grammarly is a great tool to have.

Grammarly desktop editor

Go Pro (Not The Camera)

The Pro version delves into comma usage and includes a plagiarism checker, vocab enhancement, and other features such as passive-voice usage and outdated language. You can also receive help and feedback from a human editor. It’s $30 a month or $11.66 a month billed annually.

ProWritingAid

I have been using ProWritingAid since I saw it mentioned in an article somewhere online a couple weeks ago. PWA informed me I’m a very passive writer. Reading up on copywriting and content writing informed me editors frown upon passive writing. What can I say? I’m a very passive person, so of course, it would show in my writing.

The Editor

The free PWA Editor opens in a browser and you can upload your documents or start typing away in the editor. There is also a chromium-based browser extension. There are so many freakin’ features!

In the editor, there are all these things at the top to check so many aspects of your writing. I’ll include a picture because it’s really extensive and impressive. When you’re done doing your thing (or before that, in case your computer crashes or the electric goes out), you can save the document or export it to your computer.

The PWA browser extension works like Grammarly (they do not work together) and has a contextual thesaurus. You can disable PWA on the site you’re at and also choose your writing style, which includes general, academic, business, and script. Pretty nifty.

ProWritingAid in-browser editor. Look at those features!

Go Pro (Again, Not The Camera)

The Pro version of PWA includes much more. You can download the desktop app to use offline. In the browser editor, you can save your document to a host of places such as Google Docs, MS Office (which includes Word and Outlook), Firefox, Chrome, PWA’s desktop app, and some other ones I’m unfamiliar with by looking at a logo. You can also request a human editor for feedback.

Hemingway App

Named after the famous author, the free Hemingway App is decent, but I’m getting a bit annoyed while writing this. It keeps taking me to the top of the page any time I do something other than type; this includes hitting Enter once or switching browser tabs. I don’t know the logic behind this.

The Editor

Aside from that, it’s an okay editor. My document is very colorful (not a good thing for a professional piece). I really like the toolbar at the top. Tools are Bold, Italic, H1, H2, H3 (headings), “Quote,” Bullets, Numbers, and Link. The bold and italic can be activated by highlighting the word and clicking on Bold or Italic or by using key shortcuts, Ctrl B and Ctrl I.

Grading

While the editor grades readability, it’s not very helpful, in that it doesn’t offer suggestions unless only one or two words are highlighted. Right now, this sentence is yellow (hard to read), and hovering over the sentence with the mouse doesn’t suggest how I can fix it; it just tells me it’s hard to read.

The words “are highlighted” are highlighted in green and hovering over that tells me it’s passive voice and I should use active voice. I’m given the option to click on “omit,” which deletes the words, then takes me back to the beginning of the document (really annoying).

I like the word count and error count included on the side. I have a 5, but I don’t know what that’s out of. The counter gives you a reading time, letters, characters, words, sentences, and paragraphs in the “Show More” drop-down.

I have used adverbs 15 times and should aim for 9 or fewer; passive voice 5 times, meeting the goal of 16 or fewer; no phrases have simpler alternatives; 9 of 82 sentences are hard to read; and 6 of 84 sentences are very hard to read, including this one. (Sorry, guys!)

I think more suggestions would make Hemingway on par with Grammarly and ProWritingAid. If we knew what sounded best and increased readability, we wouldn’t be making the errors in the first place. I don’t see any spell checking taking place by Hemingway.

Hemingway App in-browser editor. The underlines are the PWA extension.

Go Pro (You Get It)

The Hemingway App desktop app is a steal at $19.99. You can work offline or publish directly to Medium or WordPress from the desktop app. Not on Medium or WordPress? That’s okay, too. The desktop app handles headings, formatting, and links so you don’t have to.

Conclusions

For me, it’s an almost-tie between free Grammarly and ProWritingAid. I would choose PWA for certain if I went Pro. If you are colorblind, the coloring will not be beneficial to you, but clicking on the underlined words or phrases in Grammarly and PWA will give you the information you need. With Hemingway, the Readability feature on the right will help you out.

hoMe

Stick a Fork in Me; I’m Done

I worked on my Shakespeare PowerPoint presentation for hours and a couple of hours after submission, my teacher emailed me to let me know how bad it was and that it didn’t make sense. For context, I love making PowerPoints because I can be very creative with them and every teacher before this one has loved them; most recently, my literary theory professor.

Madness in HamletDownload

I spent most of the day crying and jerking (I don’t know why I jerk) before finally taking my anxiety medication and getting some sleep. My perfectionism did not let me not submit my final paper. I had most of it done, anyway.

On a good note, Taylor’s new album comes out in one day!! It is also Mom’s death anniversary, but I have something to smile about on that day finally. It is a little light in the dark that has been the last couple of weeks.

I don’t remember if I mentioned it here but I changed my pup’s name to Oliver instead of Oswald. He just does not seem badass enough to be an Ozzy 😂. He has taken the change quite well and we call him Ollie. Adam calls him Oliver Twist, so I guess he is Oliver Twist Hemingway. He has been very helpful with reducing my stress since he is pretty cuddly, but, like Neville, he wants to lick my face when we are facing each other.

And, my goodness, these boys are so jealous! When I take them out to pee, Neville gets back on the porch before Ollie and gets on my lap. I found out yesterday that Nev’s head comes to my shoulder when he is standing on his back legs, which he can take several steps like this (it’s kinda creepy, like the Scooby Doo movie). I introduced Ollie to my sensory room and we lay on my soft rug and Mom’s Steeler throw. He did pretty well being still. I really need to get a video of him jumping off the porch; it is hilarious. I want to make a little red cape with an O on it.

All it Takes is One

Mmm…this term… I haven’t cried this much over school since I took Applied Statistics. I already disliked my intermediate poetry workshop (PW2) teacher because I felt she was rude and dismissive. Now, I dislike her even more. She finally graded my four poetry submissions, and again, she was rude, mouthy, dismissive, and not at all helpful. She gave no helpful feedback and merely complained. I am very fond of my PW1 professor and revised my poems incorporating her feedback. I can take constructive criticism and I find it helpful and useful.

Poems tell a story; of course, there is a narrative.

These comments are not helpful or useful. My poem is “too long,” but as I just told Adam, Whitman’s Song of Myself is over 52 pages. A certain part is confusing to her (which I was rudely reprimanded for saying the same thing about two poems) and therefore not needed, and one poem is nothing more than a journal entry. She didn’t say anything at all about one poem. Oh, and she said I “should be” writing in free verse. Um, why? Last I checked, poets could write in whatever form they wished. Louisa May Alcott rhymed. Dr. Seuss rhymed. Whitman, Dickinson, Frost, Pound, Thomas…all wrote poems that rhymed. Every poem I submitted was free verse, btw.

So, I shall present to you my terrible poems. It’s unfortunate because I was actually proud of these. 

~*~Little One~*~

His eyes were clear, his smile was bright,
 
but he called me Little One. 

He spoke of the days of World War II, 

vivid stories punctuated by his laughter,
 
yet he called me Little One. 

My brother became his son — my father. 

My father’s latest mistake became my mom —

Oh, how that woman must have seethed! 

My grandmother stayed his wife,

or perhaps his combat nurse —

after 40 years together, it’s hard to tell.  

Still, I was Little One. 

On the surface, a sweet endearment —

a generic term to bypass recognition

and leave room for plausible deniability.  

He drove ‘round the yard from

dawn ‘til dusk, clinging to the last

vestiges of independence with each

calculated turn of the wheel. 

The last time ever I saw his face,

he was lying in a hospital bed,

poisoned blood coursing through his veins.

He looked so peaceful.

He looked so small.

And I realized — our roles had reversed.  

He had become the little one.  

He was never dismissing.

He was never forgetting.

I remained close to his heart.  

I was one worth protecting.  

With his life's tales told, his energy depleted,

his canvas was blankened once more —

the lines and years melting away 

with each increasingly shallow breath.  

In that moment, our worlds aligned,

for I was his Little One, and he was mine.


~*~Behind Windshields~*~

It was raining.  It was dark.  

At the end of the driveway, we waited.  

Once more, I was chasing after my father —

a man who never wanted to carry that label, 

who wore his defiance like a well-tailored suit.

He was my town — 

adorned with a shimmering crown 

made from razor blades and lies.  

The brake lights shone like nebulae 

frozen in a night sky — long forgotten, 

yet so desperate to remain seen.

She told me not to come.  

She banned me from his funeral.  

I shrunk from her emerald gaze,

turning a mirror in place of 

the other cheek for ten years.  

Never a word from my father.  

No calls —
No cards —
No contact — 

as it had been my entire life.  

He poisoned my thoughts and mind

like the cancer that invaded his body.  

Still, his pride stayed intact,

denying peace and closure for

his child who was still a child,

emotionally stunted and seeking 

love from one who refused to give it.  

I could not approach my dying father, 

but he would wave to me.  

Wave to his only daughter —

the one who relentlessly made excuses 

and defended him — out of love, 

out of fear that others would realize

she was undeserving of love.  

With tears dripping off my cheeks, I waved — 

each of us behind windshields.  

A final wave through distorted panes.

A silent goodbye to years of pain.

A silent hello to years more.


~*~Diminished~*~

I rush to tell you about my day; tripping over words as you look away.  

There’s so much I want to tell you; things I think of or that

Happened while you live your life in unconsciousness or another dimension, pointedly unaware.  

You crave my presence only to satisfy yourself and not much else.  

Your refusal of help tells me I mean little to you.  

You choose to exist and drag me down as well.  

Living in a way I swore I never would, 

Exhausting myself and receiving no help, only platitudes.  

Your words are written with chalk on

A rainy day, they mean less

Than nothing — placeholders and placaters, 

Until I give up.  

I fade away

Every day

Diminished.


~*~O Jester!  My Jester!~*~

O, Jester!  My Jester!  Your tortured life is done.  

The world has given you laughter; the love you sought is won.  

The curtains are drawn, you have moved on, your mourners left behind.  

Your pain was too great, you foresaw your fate of living with a diseased mind.  

But, O, heart!  Heart!  Heart!

  O, the tears of devastation we shed,

   Where on the stage my jester lies,

    Fallen silent and dead.

O, Jester!  My Jester!  Rise up and hear the cheers, 

Rise up — for you, in high esteem — for you, the audience appears, 

For you, accolades and honors — for you, the one so beguiling, 

For you, they call, the mirthsome masses, their eager faces smiling. 

Here, Jester!  Dear paragon!

  This lap beneath your head!

   It is some dream that on the stage,

    You've fallen silent and dead. 

My jester does not answer; his lips are blue and still.  

My paragon does not feel my hand; he has no pulse nor will.  

The screen has dimmed, the credits roll, the final cut is done.  

From a troubled life ladened with strife, the pain he knew is gone. 

Exult, O, world!  And sing, O, songs!

  But I with mournful stead,

   Stand on the stage where my jester lies,

    Fallen silent and dead.
home

The (Frugal) Student Life

Before I share my latest mistake I am in the process of making, I wanted to share some college student “hacks.” I need to save money when I can because I am terrible at money management; probably because of ADHD and the fact that I lived with Mom until she died and I did not have to pay rent. I will gladly buy a TV for $400 (but really, $400 for a name-brand 65″ LED smart TV?!?), but I will search to the ends of the Internet to pay as little as possible for toiletries and life essentials. That’s just me. I’ve come to terms with it and am aware of it.

Speaking of, the place I shop for most of my items now has a price adjustment thing, which rocks so hard. For 30 days from purchase, you can request a price adjustment and get the difference back if the item went on sale after you bought it. Once, I bought a little desk fan for $15 and it went on sale for $7 after I bought it. I requested a price adjustment and received $8 back. How awesome is that?! More recently, I got $6 back for two surge protectors because they went on sale, so I paid $7 for each surge protector, compared to paying $20 or $30 on Amazon for the same ones.

I just requested a price adjustment on an order, which made me think of talking about it here, and received $5 because several items dropped in price. You can choose to get the refund as credit or back on your payment method, so no pressure on spending the refund at that place. The only other time I’ve seen that is when I bought my Bose headphones for work and they went on sale for Christmas after that. I just contacted customer support and received $60 back, which is super awesome of Bose.

That was not one of my college hacks, but it is still a money-saving option. I will not disclose the shopping place because they are being smeared at the moment and most of the “facts” are total lies.

Onto the college money-saving tips. Firstly, you will need proof that you are in college. For most places, it is as simple and straightforward as verifying enrollment with your school email address. Verify.Me and another similar place are used by some as well. Other places may require your school schedule or proof of enrollment, both of which are easy enough to obtain.

Spotify Premium and Hulu (with ads)

I’ve used Spotify Premium since starting college. Back in 2018, the bundle was Spotify Premium, Hulu with ads, and Showtime for $4.99/month. Super awesome deal. Now, it is Spotify Premium and Hulu with ads for $5.99/month, which is still a good deal. New users get one month free. Adam and I cannot listen to Spotify at the same time, but we rarely do, so I still find it worth it.

Apple Music

Since we have attempted to listen to music at the same time and Adam’s music is influencing my music recommendations, I re-joined Apple Music. For students, it is $5.99/month. I still use Spotify the most because not all of my music is available through Apple, which I don’t understand. Namely, Olivia Rodrigo. They recently included Apple TV+ in this, but I believe it said for a limited time.

Amazon Prime Student and Amazon Music Unlimited

Now, I am still mad at Amazon, so I do not get Prime or Music Unlimited from them anymore. However, students can get Amazon Music Unlimited for $5.99/month after one month free. For Amazon Prime Student, you can get six months free and then it is $6.49/month or $69/year, which is half off the regular price. That is a great deal. Sadly, when Mom was alive, a year of regular Prime was $79/year and it is over $120 a year now.

I left Prime when they decided to raise the price every other month (it seemed) and started adding ads for Prime Video, which is not cool. Plus, they are gearing up to make Alexa/Echo into a subscription-based service, and around the time that was brought to the table, Alexa started to mysteriously get worse and worse to the point that I am switching to Google Nest as soon as I am able. It is not my fault that everyone is using a home assistant as a home assistant instead of a shopping buddy.

DoorDash

We have DoorDash here and you can get DashPass for $4.99/month. I use the service enough that it is worth getting most months. I find it much cheaper than Instacart, but they do not offer the same amount of stores, although they are expanding beyond restaurants and convenience stores.

Zenni Optical

Zenni just rocks on principle. They have the cheapest quality glasses I have found. For normal prescriptions, you pay for the frames, optional coating, and shipping. Since they have frames for as little as $6.95, I have paid under $20 for several pairs of glasses since discovering this site. They are nice glasses, too. I usually get coating which is $4.95 (basic) or $14.95 (oil and fingerprint resistant) depending on what I want, and it is still loads cheaper than other places. Anyway, they offer a 10% student discount. With my last glasses, I had to get bifocals or progressives, so it was frames ($20), optional coating ($4.95), $52 for progressives, and shipping. With the student discount, my glasses were under $80. It was either $70 or $77.

There are more ways to save if you’re a college student, but those I mentioned are the ones I know and use. A quick Google search for student discounts brings great results. Instacart supposedly offers some kind of student discount but I cannot find it. They seem stingier than other places. Happy shopping!

Home

~*~AuDHD~*~

I learned a while back that people in other English-speaking countries pronounce Adidas much differently than people in America (the States). Here, it is pronounced Uh-dee-duss, while in other countries it is pronounced Oddy-doss. I found that interesting. Most of the time, when I see or hear Adidas, the only thing I think of is All Day I Dream About Sex 😂. Iykyk. Anywho, I am here with another poem 🙂. 

~*~AuDHD~*~

Divisible by 5
Is how it should be
The volume for my music
And the TV

It doesn’t stop there
I have to confess
The passage of time
Is part of this mess

At 1, it’s all good
And I feel alive
Then, utter chaos
‘Til it’s 1:05

2 units of insulin?
That won’t work for me
I’ll skip it altogether
Or add another 3

But that’s not all
That goes on in my brain
The mental gymnastics
Could drive one insane

My ADHD
Pops up to say “Hi!”
There are too many rules
And it wants to know why

Dinner needs washing
The laundry needs cooking
A treat for the puppy
When no one is looking

Now nothing is finished
And it’s time for bed
But I must get some work done
I’ll sleep when I’m dead

I’m still not happy with either of my instructors 😒. Poetry lady says I have “a lot of lyricists” on my reading list. Well, duh. I told her in the first week that I do not read much poetry. My last instructor was just fine with that. Lyrics are poetic; poetry can certainly be put to music if one so desires. Many, many folk songs were poems before songs were even born. But I held my tongue.

Then…I emailed my Shakespeare instructor to ask about thesis statements (she wasn’t happy with mine) and she replied that I need to address her by name in emails and to mind my tone 😡😡😤. Mind. My. Tone. I am autistic, I literally cannot “mind my tone.” What you see is what you get. I would understand if I was rude or pissy but I write how I speak and that is how it has always been. I honestly do not know how to be otherwise.

Forgiveable, perhaps, if I had not disclosed being AuDHD in my first post as I do with every class. I do not have an intentional tone and since Mom’s gone, I don’t have a filter because I would speak through her, and now I do not have that option, which would not be an option in school, really, unless I asked her to read stuff before I submitted it and she suggested changes. So, I sat there and cried for an hour or so and kept myself from replying, which was a very hard thing to do.

She also gave me a low grade on my discussion post because my answer was “vague.” I need specifics if you do not want me to be “vague” (according to you). My husband knows this, so if I am vague when I ask him something or answer a question, he lets me know or asks me questions so I can elaborate and/or explain myself. At the very least, she could have responded to my post so I had an opportunity to appease her. I am a straight-A student and a junior; I know that all my other instructors were not just handing out A’s willy-nilly and letting me coast. I am literal. I can seem obtuse or sarcastic when I am not being either of those things. I spoke to my advisor about it so at least he is aware. Work with me and I will work with you.

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Poetically Pissed Off

Well, I figured my intermediate workshop was going to be a challenge, but I did not know my opinions would be invalidated and my styles and voices questioned. Firstly, I had to stop centering my poetry (which is certainly a style – my preferred style at that). Then, I had to include punctuation, a formatting choice that I used sparingly, which incidentally I am being told to reverse in the new class. Now, I am not supposed to initial capitalize the first word of each new line. Who said I wanted to be a contemporary poet? Oh, and I can’t be inspired by “pop” poets like Rupi Kaur, who is the only contemporary poet I like.

Needless to say, my workshop professor and I are clashing. And I was admonished for stating the poems we read this week made no sense. If something does not make sense to me, I am going to make that clear. Just because some stuffy editors felt otherwise does not mean other people’s opinions should conform. The Emperor’s New Clothes, anybody? Suggesting I am not reading correctly and not that the poet wrote incoherently is insulting. Yellow Submarine is catchy; it is not a top-rate, meaningful song.

Raiding people’s private journals after they die and publishing them is certainly no way to set a precedent on what is the standard and now accepted. That has happened to at least two poets that I know of, Emily Dickinson being one. (She had only 10 poems published with her consent and her catalog is over 1,000.) It’s actually extremely violating and self-serving. I am here to learn, not conform or lie. This week’s reading list included the following:

coping skills lost in the flood
By CA Conrad

                   make you aching upwards of a
                             teenage broken phone
                           come to hear underwater
                                libraries up the side of
                                        the dinner plate a
                                        little too fast
                                          not ungrateful like
            some of  these bastards around here
can’t tap out a tune with you looking away
                      genies of not enough sleep
                               a happier location for
                                        the war not the
                       easiest thing you realize
                          beautiful architecture
                          refreshing beverages
       our signs read hello love us for
                                  the century of
                                  progress we
                                      gave you
                                        bombers
                                          arriving
                                    early here
                                  they are

From “Listen to the Golden Boomerang Return” 
 
          a potato
             born by
               shovel
               I am a
            bride of
          poetry in
         my orange
        and purple
       gown an
       unequaled
       extinction
        machine
         pushing
          strollers through
           ecosystems of
        concrete and plastic
we camel through the journey
  with our new playbook for
     where plunging hands go
                        don’t be weird
                     about this
                   you can be a
                 bride of
               poetry
              too

As you can see, neither poem above is left-aligned, another “rule” we were given for this week’s work. 

Third Poem for the Catastrophe
By Joyelle McSweeney

O
melting rainbow that embrace this roof
O
persistent covenant
hangs around
giving us nothing, leaves its muck in the water
expects us to be knocked out by its fine colors
weren’t you nothing too, weren’t you
sea bottom
crunched down into fuel
and when that eggshell roof busts through
mama’s gonna buy you
a rainbow ride for free
an illumination, an inflammation
hyperion flame headdress
dream pins in the fuel
balloons of Koolaid burst down to cool
the sticky baby’s head
plus a credit card a glock a new bible
a princess dress
a mermaid princess dress
so you’ll be twice submerged
or an erased Indian princess
pajama set now go to sleep

Bureau of

This is the body of,
waiting to turn on.

graced with a little tremor,
a little-known form, a fibrous hook,
a flimsy lever that makes the jar work

a lever and a clasp

:voila. The pathetic filofax
unfurls, the owl describes;
on air; makes an apse; lopes left

off the phonepole, woodenly.
we rise above the wind park,
commemorially.

our whorled fossil, pinned open.
our emergency kit
holds aspirin. digitalis. adrenalin-in-in.

So, yeah, I said they seemed drug-induced and made no sense. For one thing, the last poem starts a line with a colon 😒😒. Poetry is mainly for the poet, and I am all for that expression and them writing whatever they want, but I am certainly not required to like it or be encouraged to emulate it and “learn” from it. If I can say a movie makes no sense (and in a lot of instances, I am not the only one who feels that way), I can say a poem makes no sense, because, let’s face it; a lot of them do not. If they make sense to the one writing it, that is fine; great, even. Good for them. But do not belittle me or my intelligence and opinion solely because it does not align with yours. If this is “contemporary,” I will wholeheartedly pass.

Featured image: https://poemanalysis.com/poetry-explained/elements-of-poetry/

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The Eyes Have It

Yeah, so that was fun. I had to stay up for training, then got my second wind and wound up staying up for about 40 hours. Then, I got up again at 8 a.m., so it didn’t fix anything 😂😂. We did peer feedback in my poetry workshop, which I am not a fan of. I am in no position to give fellow students feedback. I’m learning myself and telling two of my classmates what they got right or wrong isn’t my place to say. I get all apologetic and self-deprecating which doesn’t help my classmates or me learn anything. I know that is the point of a workshop, people putting their heads together to improve, but it’s not good for someone with anxiety. 

I finally got to buy new glasses. The ones I bought a few months ago were not for me so I went back to Zenni Optical. This place is just awesome. I get regular glasses (not bifocals or progressives) there for $20, which includes my prescription and anti-reflective coating. A pair of lightweight metal frames is $6.95, the optional coating is $4.95, and the prescription is included. You really can’t beat that. 

Since I had to get progressives this time, I chose premium progressives which have a 40% bigger viewing area for the bottom (reading) part, unlike the ones I got at Lens Mart that drove me bonkers because 2/3 of the bottom was blurry on each side of each lens total – one-third of the lens is blurry on one side, the tiny middle third is the clear part, and the last third on the other side of the lens is blurry, all by design. With a 10% student discount, these glasses were only $70. The frames I chose this time were $20, which increased the price, and premium progressives add $52; regular progressives with the crap viewing area is $35, I think. 

I don’t want to pay out the wazoo for top-notch glasses (expensive frames, special additional coating, etc.) because I am bad about not wearing them (good at not wearing them, I guess). I hate wearing them when I am hot or sweaty because they get foggy and smudgy. I take them off a lot and it would just be a waste of money if I stop wearing them. I am nothing if not realistic and self-aware. 

I tried contacts once and they rubbed a blister on the inside of my eyelid of my bad eye which hurt like the dickens. It’s the eye I’ve had three surgeries on instead of two and I don’t know if that was a factor or not. I wish I could get contacts to wear for the times I’m hot but I have enough trouble with my eyes that I don’t need a sore eyelid on top of that. No, thank you! 

Adam in his glasses. 

Adam needs glasses but he won’t wear them, of course. But he looks so cute in them! Look at him! He’s all up in my health business, but when it comes to him, that’s an entirely different story. I can’t get him to get his breathing issues taken care of and it’s been a fight to keep him on blood pressure medication. He has had sleeping studies and he doesn’t have sleep apnea, but he never enters REM when he is sleeping and his pulse ox goes in the 80s while he is sleeping. He would probably be in a better mood and less angry at the world if he actually got some meaningful sleep. But what do I know? I’ve only been working in the medical field since 2006 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🙄🙄. 

I guess the topic today was eyes, although I really thought it was just going to be about school. 

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My Reflection is Turning Away From Me

My schedule is all out of whack. Do I have schedule? I don’t think so. Routine? Sleeping pattern? Whatever it is, it’s messed up, which really stinks because I start my additional duties at work tonight. In addition to my job as a medical language specialist editor, I am also performing quality assurance (QA) and something about document delivery such-and-such. 

Every hour, I tell everyone how many jobs there are, how many people are working, and the TAT (turnaround time) for those jobs. I have not done this job before and I am scared spitless. I’ve been QA’ing for a few years but not on my current platform and I think I oversee 58 or 59 accounts now on this platform, which isn’t as intuitive as the other one. Why did I say I would take this on? Companies usually love me because I’m strictly third shift, but I’ve been having trouble sleeping this week, and I got up at 8 a.m. yesterday and have training sometime after 8 a.m. today. 

My literary theory professor is a stickler for the rubric (he’s the one who gave me an initial F) and I am one who never looks at the rubrics because they confuse me so that’s been fun. I submitted this week’s assignment yesterday and had to add things to it and resubmit because I forgot something that was on the rubric 🙄😒. 

For my poetry workshop, we have weekly journals and I think I may have gotten too comfortable with this week’s journal. I didn’t mask at all while typing it up and I think it’s pretty obvious. But it’s a journal and that, to me, implies that it is more relaxed and casual than academic papers. We had to break up a poem that was in paragraph form without knowing how the author broke it up and explain our process/reasoning. I’ve not read that poem before and didn’t look it up since we were told not to so I don’t know how accurate I was. I will find out next week, I guess. I will paste my erratic “reflection” on breaking up said poem below. I’m not posting the poem because I don’t know who wrote it and can’t give credit. 

Reflection

Okay.  I don’t know what I am doing, which is why I am taking poetry classes.  I never really think about much when a poem comes to me; I just need to get it down as quickly as possible before it flies out of my head, which is a very real possibility for someone with AuDHD.  (I wrote a poem about that.)  I was taken aback when it was asked in The Poet’s Companion if I could write a poem in 20 minutes and the assumptive answer was, “probably not.”  Why not?  When I think of something, I sit down and write or Click Clack Moo it out.  I think I lost my point somewhere. 

Right – reflection.  I’m a rhymer, so I haven’t had to worry much about line breaks.  I started playing around with free verse during my Studies in Poetry class last year and I’ve discovered I don’t know squat about line breaks.  Like poems, they just come to me, but I don’t know if they are “right.”  Who decides that, anyway?  One would think the poet ought to know since it is their work but literaries can be rather pretentious about that kind of stuff. 

Lately, I’ve been experimenting with one-word lines for emphasis, which is why I chose to break up the names in the above poem –  “Kadesha./Shaniqua./This is the voice/Of Antoine./Darryl./Shaquille.”  I would have given LaTonya and Antoine their own lines, but I read that you’re not supposed to end a line with prepositions or articles (but you can start lines with them).  I would say that is an unwritten rule, but it was written somewhere by someone, obviously, because that is how I read it. 

I’ve been reading Rupi Kaur’s books, and that girl is crazy with her line breaks and indentations!  I really wanted to break up, “This is not a small voice you here.” but since this person started and ended the poem with that sentence, I figured they meant for it to be on one line.  I first thought of “This is not/A small voice you hear” or “This is/Not a small voice you hear.”  I do notice that I tended to start lines with verbs in the above poem.  “Running over waters/Navigating the hallways of our schools/Spilling out on the corners of our cities.”  Is that a thing?  Poetry readers love to come up with terms and forms; I’m guessing there is a name for that. 

I threw some dashes in there, too.  Emily Dickinson really liked using those and everyone seems to like her stuff for some reason.  Did you know she told her sister to burn all her notebooks and journals?  Can you imagine betraying your own sibling like that?  I find that appalling. Sadly, I am all over the place, and I don’t know what I am doing, so I hope what I learn sticks and can be applied to my writing going forward.  Did I even manage to answer what was asked of me?

So, there is an unmedicated ADHD answer to a simple question 😂😂. It seems I went off the deep end more than a few times there. Gah. 

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