So, the cats and pups have completely ruined the living room floor, and I was stressing about replacing it but it looks like the subfloor will be the most expensive thing. Mom would have gotten rid of the cats a long time ago, but they’re my kids. The image above is a VR-generated image from The Home Depot of what the living room would look like with the flooring I chose. It’s kind of jarring because it’s a carpeted floor right now, but I like it. The dogs are not going to like sliding all over the place like Bambi on ice, however.
Piper hasn’t used the litter box since Merlin came here in 2015, Phin is blind and used to use the bathroom under the bed in the spare room (which I did not know he was doing) because the litter box was beside the bed and he could smell that he was in the vicinity, so I replaced that carpet with vinyl flooring. He now uses the living room floor since I had moved the litter box into the living room while doing the spare room floor, and he hasn’t stopped even though the litter box is in Adam’s room now.
Gandi hasn’t used the litter box since having a UTI even though he was treated. Piper has started peeing on her pillow she sleeps on. Only the babies use the box; 2 out of 5 😡😡. Because of Phin, I knew I’d be replacing the living room floor but the pups have peed in there and the floor feels like a boy’s face after hitting puberty. I have pee pads and clean the pee up, but the spots I missed are making big bumps. It’s gross. Luckily, vinyl flooring is around $260 for the entire living room, which is ~12′ x 28′, and half of the living room subfloor is fine, I think. I had Adam to look, and I guess the subfloor isn’t too expensive but he is going to need a different saw. I hate it, and Mom would kill me, but I know it’s my fault and I will be fixing it, so 🤷♀️.
To top it off, Ollie has started tearing up the living room carpet!! Who does that? He has so many bones and toys, and he goes and picks at the carpet like a methhead. There weren’t even holes or spots in the places he is digging/chewing up. Can I not have any normalcy here?
The 80-year school term is finally over! I haven’t looked at final grades because it makes me too anxious, but I think I got a B in Shakespeare 😒😒. My first non-A since Applied Statistics. I guess that’s not bad since I received two (unearned) Fs on two assignments. I’m disputing these grades through the university dispute/resolution department.
For my intermediate poetry workshop final poetry collection, I was told I am too poemy, tortured, and dramatic. Yeah, my life has sucked at times and poetry is how I prod myself to deal and heal. Sorry I am not Mother Goose 🤷♀️, although she could get pretty dark, too. Not to mention, what kind of person calls another complete stranger “tortured”? ‘Scuse me??
I guess I use “you” too much in my poetry as well, but what else do you (see??) call an audience? I can’t litter my poems with thee, thy, or one (as in, “how would one feel…” instead of “how would you feel…”); that would look pretentious, impersonal, and weird. I swear, my poetry instructor would rather shoot herself in the foot than give a compliment. I hope I don’t act like her after I’m published; I’d rather shoot myself in the foot!
Anyway, those classes are finished (aside from the dispute), and I’ve been complaining way too much on here, so I’m putting all that behind me 😊😊. Adam was a complete prince on my birthday and didn’t wish me a happy birthday at all! Since April is Death Month, he knows that I do not like to have my birthday acknowledged. He came and told me he knew what the day was but he wasn’t going to mention it, i.e., wish me happy birthday, because that is my wish, and I thought it was very sweet. I have been 29 for a few years and often forget my real age when doctors ask.
Speaking of, I’m going to see a surgeon about my hernia next week. I know it’s an absolute mess in there and I feel bad for the guy or gal who will be rooting around in my tummy. The pain has improved since Neville hasn’t been using me as a trampoline but I still want to see the surgeon. I had my hernia repair over ten years ago and people with mesh repairs usually have to have revisions.
I did the trash up and took it out because Adam was sleeping and I didn’t know he had set an alarm to get up and take it out (I’ve not taken the trash out for 15 years). I had Neville go with me to the bins because it was dark outside and I don’t like going down near the road at night. I gave him a trash bag to pull so he could help me and it didn’t go well 😂. It started out okay with him pulling it and following me but when we got close to the bin, he ran back up in the yard and started shaking the bag because he thought we were playing.
So, I have started training him in the living room to hold (without shaking) a bag and carry it while following me. He is really so smart. I started with a grocery bag with some things in it and I put some clothes in a garbage bag for me to carry across the room with him following me. He gets a little excited and shakes the bag when we get to our destination, but if I tell him to sit, he does so and stops shaking the bag. Recently, he has learned how to throw things with his mouth, which is hilarious but not a desired trick and nothing we taught.
After a couple of trips across the room, I switched bags so I have the grocery bag and he had the heavier, bigger trash bag. We’re doing this blind because I could not find a video for training a dog to carry a bag around, although I did find ones to teach them how to put their toys in a box and to put trash in a trash can. I had Ollie in the living room as well to practice distraction training for Neville, so Ollie received some participation treats 😂. It is a work in progress, but Nev is very eager to please and food-driven and he picks up on things very quickly. With Ollie, he has learned how to sit and come to me, but he is less eager to please than his brother.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have talked, hinted, blogged, poeted, texted, reacted, proacted, and nothing has changed. Why do men continue to think that it is a woman’s job to assume a motherly role? There are not strict gender roles any longer for majority thinkers.
I can take the trash out, do the litter box, get myself up for appointments, and get things done, whether I outsource those jobs or do them myself. I don’t need a man, I need a partner (unless I want to be single, then I need myself, the cats, and Ollie Bear).
Don’t want to do the “dirty work”? Choose the more desirable tasks without being asked or told and those are what you get. If you unload the dishwasher and consider that your part, guess what the other person is doing? Loading the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. My brother and I had that chore after school and he would run home (he pushed me down a hill a couple of times to get home before me) so he could unload the dishes and I would have to touch the dirty, gross ones. If the dishwasher was empty and just needed loaded, he made sure I got home before he did. Siblings are great, huh 😂😂? But leave the decision-making to someone else and at their discretion, you’re on 💩 duty every time; quite literally with a puppy and blind cat. That’s the way the cookie crumbles.
My guts are spilling out (literally) and I’m still doing more than my part. Taylor dropped a lyric from the new album and it sums it up well, as she tends to do: Even statues crumble if they’re made to wait. I have seen a lot of instances where men and women think their partners will stay around because their parents stayed together regardless of how they were treated. I am not like that. My mom became a strong woman and taught me there is a limit and I can certainly stand my ground and say enough is enough (and I will).
I have changed everything for the loml in the last ten years. I went from having a caretaker my entire life, briefly having two in Mom and Adam for three years, to running an entire household by myself, having an independent, and trying to figure out everything. Mom didn’t know she was going to die and I would be flying solo. I think she thought if she didn’t make plans and preparations, she possibly could not die, which I totally get. She taught me many things but not everything (do parents ever get the opportunity to teach their children everything they want to before they die?).
I mean, I paid Mom’s house off with her life insurance by mailing a very large personal check via the post office… Obviously, that was incredibly stupid but I did not know that was a no-no because I knew about traveler’s checks but not certified checks or other secure ways to make transactions, like money orders, in 2014. I just knew I needed to get it done so I wouldn’t have to worry about the mortgage. The house bank called and asked if I was attempting to pay the house off and I think I started crying and told them what was going on. They were very helpful and took care of it for me.
All this is on top of living with someone who was too emotionally abused and stunted for me to be able to be myself. I never had to pretend or suppress with Mom when I got older because she was used to me and would back off and let me regulate on my own. Now, when I’m overwhelmed and need to decompress, I am asked “what’s wrong?” constantly until I answer or he marches off in a huff.
Even though we have a nephew on the spectrum, I am not supposed to behave or react out of neurotypical character. I have always had such expectations placed on me when other family wasn’t held to the same. I was supposed to be the good girl, the polite one, never speak up, never confront, let things go, etc. I cannot become irrationally frustrated or physical with things or have my entire mood ruined because one small thing was not as I expected or wanted it. That results in me containing everything, and my mental and physical health deteriorates until I can barely function and I break instead of merely snapping.
I really don’t ask for much, seriously. I want a relatively clean home free of ants or ladybugs (which means food and drink and trash not left all over the house), a mowed and trimmed lawn, and things repaired around the house. We’ve had a roof leak in the bathroom forever that should have been repaired a long time ago. But instead of getting it done, he’s going to wait until the ceiling caves in and then try to comfort me when I lose my 💩 because I don’t have the money to fix the roof or the ceiling.
When I just stop to see how bad he lets things get, it’s pointed out to me as soon as I fuss at him (well, you left this out and that there; you do this and that; you act this way; everything is a comparison with no responsibility taken, ever).
Of course, I’m the dramatic and unreasonable one for wanting it fixed yesterday, or wanting anything done, really. I already have to figure out how to replace the floors and subfloors in the kitchen, living room, and Mom’s room on my own because of the cats. I didn’t grow up in garbage and I don’t like being forced to live in it just because someone else did and has zero self-respect. Love and support are not the only things one needs.
So, this has been a trip. The dog…Neville is smart and rotten and gangly and funny and sweet, and so much more. I think I’m in over my head with the training stuff. I’ll be dead before I get him trained as a service dog! It’s not him — he is surprisingly responsive and determined. I, however, have never trained a dog in my life and still don’t know how to approach it.
Some trainers say to teach one thing at a time, and some say to teach different things at a time. Some want me to crate the poor boy whenever I can’t have eyes on him every minute. He wasn’t too happy about being crated and whined and howled when he was in there for less than 5 minutes.
Pondering life.
The first thing I taught him was “leave it,” per Pupford Academy, and he does very well with that, but he thinks that he is supposed to leave something for a minute or two and then he gets it. That is fine when it’s treats or toys, of course, but when I dropped something and he went for it, I told him to leave it and he listened right away until I said “Good boy,” which is what I say in training to let him know he can get the item, so he picked it up 🤣🤣. I’m confusing both of us!
He gets bored, I guess (when I try to play with him, he lies down and chews on his toy) and brings me all kinds of things while I’m working. He brought me his water bowl, which I thought was because it was empty but it turned out he just dumped it while picking it up, so now his bowl is taped to a piece of wood because he did it again. I think it’s because the bowl was in the kitchen and not in the bedroom, but I don’t know; I’m not a dog. He keeps bringing me the bathroom trash can. He has chew toys and squeaky toys, yet grabbed my iPad and started gnawing on the cover 🤦♀️. He was going to take a gallon jugful of water somewhere; had it by the handle and everything.
Waiting for popcorn.
The other day, he learned “drop it,” and started to learn how to place his chin on my leg, which will be something I want him to do when I’m overwhelmed. Oh, and he did “drop it” so well! He grabbed the cats’ pooper scooper, and I told him to drop it. He sat down, opened his mouth, and let it fall to the floor, then sat there and looked at me, waiting for a treat. It definitely wasn’t just a startled response from me speaking, and I was so proud of him.
Adam got in on some of the training and seems to think it’s going well. Nev’s getting very good at dropping things for me and the chin command I introduced. He tries to get away with barely tapping his chin on my leg to get his treat but he will leave it there after a few attempts. The first day he was here, he knocked me over when I was sitting on the floor and got on me, which is what I want him to do for deep pressure therapy, but he did it just to hang out and be loved on. He gets pretty distracted by the cats.
Well, yesterday was a yay and stinky day. I bought an under-the-counter water filter for the kitchen sink, which I only recently found out existed, and since I was getting that, I got a kitchen faucet with one handle because the last one I got had two handles, and the hot and cold were backward and couldn’t be switched. (US standard is hot is left, cold is right.) You would think that would be something I got used to but I constantly filled up the cats’ water jug with hot water, which is a bad thing for a PUR water filter. I don’t know why that is the case, but the filter would start squealing so I assumed it didn’t like it. Anyway, I was super excited to be able to do away with the faucet filters and have a normal-looking faucet that tall containers would actually fit under.
Look how cute my little sink drain bucket is! (left)
Arched faucets with a pullout sprayer in the faucet are a big thing now, and I had a hard time finding any without the sprayer under $100 to boot. I thought it would be convenient to have the faucet pullout and my awesome regular sprayer. NBD, I could use whichever sprayer I wanted at the time. That was not the case. Firstly, this faucet is so much bigger than my old one 😂. I was quite impressed with the quality since it was under $40, and it’s quite hefty. Secondly, Adam informed me that I could not have my regular sprayer and the faucet hooked up together because of how it is configured. Of course, that change in my plan automatically triggered a shutdown and I didn’t want anything else to do with the faucet at that moment.
I left the kitchen to deal with this unexpected change, and Adam finished installing the faucet and filter. With this faucet, the nozzle points out slightly and gets the small piece of counter in front of the sink, and me, wet. I keep forgetting the sprayer is part of the faucet and when I pull it out to spray something, I shoot water across the room. That’s not the first or second time I’ve ever done that, but I was already cranky, so I didn’t like that, either. Never one to be thwarted, I put an elastic hair thing around the faucet above the nozzle, which you can see in the picture. I have it bunched up more in the front than the back, and that makes the nozzle point down more toward the sink, thus not getting the counter and me wet. I was very proud of that idea. So that was the stinky part of my day.
As Adam and I sat down to lunch, his mom calls to say they were waiting for us outside. I had an endocrinology appointment in 30 minutes. Oops!! That was further frazzling for me since I was not prepared to be amongst people. The yay part of my day was that I found out my hemoglobin A1c was 5.7!! I’m a type 1.5 (LADA) diabetic and completely ignored that fact since 2014 when I was diagnosed. Mom’s death is what pushed me into LADA, which is an autoimmune disorder. I started out trying to keep my sugar under control, but every time it would get up, I would get mad and stop. I take a very all-or-nothing approach to everything.
My last A1c was in December and was 11 or 12, which is super bad. At that percentage, my average sugars were around 300, with normal being around 80 to 90 for non-diabetics and slightly higher for diabetics. The 5.7 A1c means my average is dancing around 120, which is really good for a diabetic. I was very shocked and pleased with this result. I’ve been trying to manage my sugars since April after my eye appointment when I found out I was starting to lose my vision, and that was the kick in the pants I needed to work on my health.
It is widely and falsely thought to be fact that being overweight causes diabetes when that is not the case at all. That’s nothing but complete ignorance and fatphobia. Most T2 diabetics I am acquainted with have healthy BMIs. Obesity certainly increases the risk of developing T2 diabetes, especially belly fat, but not all overweight people are diabetic and not all diabetics are overweight. Weight gain is a symptom of T2 diabetes due to insulin resistance, which can be a precursor to diabetes if no lifestyle changes are made.
Uncontrolled diabetes actually causes unintended weight loss because the body begins to burn fat and muscle for energy instead of glucose. An unhealthy diet (for people of all weights and body types, especially in the US), sedentary lifestyle, and high stress are three red flags for potentially developing T2 diabetes. Of course, trying to explain that to people is like preaching to the choir.
The public’s obsession with other people’s bodies absolutely infuriates me because it has zero to do with people’s health and everything to do with appearance. Most try to disguise their disgust of the overweight as concern, but that is hardly ever the case. Long-term studies (those that run for multiple years) have shown that being underweight increases one’s mortality rate and poor health more than being overweight, yet we as a society promote and encourage extreme thinness to the point of insanity.
I finally got around to buying superglue and Adam put my sconces up above the shower. They are so cute! They used to be in the living room on either side of the fireplace mantel, but since the bathroom is so dark now because it’s black, I wanted something near the shower. Truth be told, I wanted this dragon head or this dragon for each side, but those are expensive. I think I would use the heck out of a 3D printer if they were affordable for me and I knew how to use one.
I’m a big Amazon shopper because our physical address isn’t valid according to most companies, and our items never show up when I try ordering from somewhere else. Amazon knows what’s up, but that does limit my options. The best part about these sconces is I bought six battery-operated puck lights that came with two remotes, so I just point the remote at each light to turn them on, which is great since I can’t reach them and it would be a pain climbing up there and removing the globes and flipping each light on each time I showered. I am now irrationally excited to take a shower 😂.
The uneven look from the ceiling slant is driving me bonkers…
I really want something like this hand for holding my hair things and other small stuff that I tend to lose otherwise. It’d be cool as a towel holder as well, but it doesn’t look all that capable and doesn’t have the greatest reviews. We talked about getting one of those mold kit things and resin and some press-on witchy nails and using Adam’s hands to make our own, but I don’t know how that would go, and it could be a waste of money.
I’m a collector of…things, I guess you could say. My darling mother really tried to keep up, which resulted in me having so many different things. I have collected unicorns, pandas, tigers, bears, (e)books, rocks, movies, and stuffed animals. Some unconventional things are underwear, socks, and music. It’s weird how much I love cute socks because I’m barefoot 99% of the time. Diabetic socks are awesome because there are no seams, but they stretch out after one time of wearing. I’m currently collecting ebooks again. I will never read all of them but there’s that niggling “just in case” in the back of my mind. Just in case of what? The apocalypse? Massive author strike? I don’t know. I won’t tell me. It sounds hoarderish but I actually get rid of stuff all the time and, unfortunately, I wind up needing stuff I’ve gotten rid of and have to buy it again. I’ve gotten rid of almost all my stuffed animals. I love them and hated getting rid of them but they just take up so much space. I keep worrying about the mess I’ll leave behind when Adam and I die. I don’t want family to have to figure out what to do with so much stuff. Since we don’t have kids, a lot of my items won’t be passed down.
How about that Titanic stuff!!? The Titanic is a special interest of mine, and I have mentioned how I would love to see it for real, but come on! There were so many warnings and safety issues, and the guy(s) just totally ignored them. Money can buy you nearly everything, but brains isn’t one of them. I saw a video on Reddit of an enactment of what it would look like when the Titan imploded, and it is so crazy. People in the know were saying how it would be milliseconds and the bodies would pretty much liquefy, and I just can’t wrap my head around that. Their deaths would have been quick and painless, at least. I’ve been glued to the Titanic subreddit for the past week. I bombarded Adam with a few texts before he was awake since I always forget what I want to tell him when he wakes up. That way, we can discuss what I sent him 😊.
People are really showing their true colors (they never disappoint) and have chosen to mock and meme the five passengers of the Titan. They either forget or don’t care that a 19-year-old boy was in there and he allegedly was terrified and did not want to go in the first place. From what I’ve seen, mostly on Reddit, which is a dumpster fire in itself 24/7, they all deserved to die because they had/came from money. These sentiments were laid bare before information about the glaring unsafety of the vessel and the blatant negligence ever came out, so it’s not all a case of “fox around and find out.” People are just so filled with hate over what they don’t have, whether it be money, wealth, privilege, talent, etc. The thing they don’t get, or completely ignore altogether, is that they would be the same way. If all they knew in their life were wealth and privilege, they would not be concerning themselves with those who have neither of those. They would throw money at some charities as tax write-offs and go about their lives.
Of course, I would not mind being wealthy, and I think I would be more charitable if I became wealthy at my age (mainly because I’m charitable now with what I do have or when I have something to give), but I would be a completely different person if I was born or grew up wanting for nothing. Wealth and poverty skew one’s view of the world. I certainly changed going from poverty to middle-class living with Mom after she switched careers. My food choices changed – I don’t know how I ever ate fried bologna and fake ketchup. I can’t handle being without central air conditioning at all. Obviously, I’m broke again since Mom died, but I am incredibly lucky that I inherited her house and paid it off with what she worked so hard to leave me. I could be homeless at any given moment, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to laugh and celebrate that five people who had it better than me financially are dead.
I made the world’s-according-to-me worst smoothie ever and drank two 16-ounce glasses of it. It sounded good in theory; a berry smoothie with a splash of yummy sugar-free fruit juices. I started out with a keto berry smoothie recipe as a guide for measurements. First, were a frozen triple-berry mix of blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries from Sam’s; unsweetened vanilla almond milk; chia seeds; and unflavored collagen powder. I bought some new Tropicana Zero Sugar Summer Splash Punch and Zero Sugar Mango Passion juices and threw those in there as well, hoping for a concoction as tasty as Outback Steakhouse’s Huckleberry Hooch (which is uh-mazing!).
Adam gave me a taste before adding sweetener, which I realized after tasting it. It was horrid and bitter! How in the world are berries and other naturally sugary fruits so bitter in drinks?? I added the Splenda Monk Fruit sweetener, which doesn’t have sucralose (not good for you), and tasted it again and it was still a big NO. Out of pure desperation, I added a splash of lemon juice and vanilla extract. My “recipe” started out making 16 ounces and was now 64 ounces 😒. The same thing happens when I make loaded baked potato soup, so I wasn’t terribly surprised. I grudgingly claimed it drinkable out of sheer frustration and poured myself a tumblerful.
It wasn’t too bad. I could taste the fruit juices and berries. I got way too many chia seeds, which didn’t absorb and expand, so I was spitting seeds out all over the place all evening and accidentally spit one on Adam’s arm (oops). There was something I didn’t like, and it became more and more apparent with each drink. The next day, I poured another glass because I didn’t want to waste all the ingredients. I drank the whole glassful (16 ounces!!), but it made me nauseated, so I finally admitted defeat and dumped the rest. Adam and I concluded it must have been the almond milk, which I’ve been using since early April, but only in chocolate shake-type drinks.
I hate milk; it’s just too milky tasting. I eat cereal with a slotted spoon. I hate yogurt and cottage cheese. Like, I really hate it. Unfortunately, most keto smoothie recipes call for some type of milk or bananas (don’t like those, either), but it’s cool as long as I can’t taste it. I don’t like avocados, either, but have had success with making smoothies with them and not tasting them. I won’t try bananas because they are way too sugary, and I detest them. I pretty much hate everything that is keto-friendly, like broccoli, cauliflower, coconut, brussels sprout, okra, fish, etc. Anything healthy, I guess 😂.
How about some healthy fruits and vegetables?
Today, I tried smoothie-making again, determined to use my new blender for good and not evil, and I had success! I stuck to a simpler recipe consisting of frozen sliced strawberries, unsweetened vanilla almond milk, avocado, vanilla extract, and collagen powder. Just an FYI, vanilla extract smells so good, but don’t try it by itself! This time, I wanted to add more “zero” things to reach 64 ounces to lower the carbs and calories for each serving, so I topped the blender off with water, around 14 ounces, maybe?, and added a dram of LorAnn Oil’s Super Strength Strawberry flavoring. Drams are the cutest little bottles I’ve ever seen and I want to hug them all; kind of like Funko Pop! It needed a little oomph, so I poured in some Torani sugar-free French vanilla syrup. It was so yummy, and only 1 net carb! I’ll save the chia seeds for when my grinder gets here. I’m definitely buying some chia seeds to put in my sensory room because they are so calming for me, which I didn’t even know until after I bought them and stuck my hand in the bag 😳😊.
Like with all of my hyperfixations, I dove into keto whole hog, and Adam’s complete willingness to try it with me has made the transition so much easier, although he got over the sugar cravings faster than I did, and lost 30 pounds in the first week. Getting rid of carbs is no small feat, and the price gouging is infuriating. I know this isn’t a new thing, but it is new to me, and extreme inflation and sole financial responsibility just exacerbate the fact. Here, all-purpose white flour is $2.24 for a 5-pound bag. Everyone knows how versatile flour is. Almond flour, which is recommended for a lot of recipes, is $9.84 for a 2-pound bag. It doesn’t taste very good since it tastes overwhelmingly like almonds, at least in keto bread, so I found Carbquik (like Bisquick. Get it?), which is $12.38 for a 2-pound bag. The price difference between “real” cane sugar and sugar substitutes is just as bad, if not worse. All pantry essentials go the same way. Then, everyone wonders why the US is so obese. When you can buy 1 or 2 pounds of pasta for $1 or a 14-ounce can of “fake” pasta made from hearts of palm for $9.84, which item are you going to choose? For the record, hearts of palm is edible but not the greatest, and I much prefer zoodles (spiralized zucchini). Right now, zucchini is over $1 each, and spaghetti squash is $7+.
I bought Recipe Keeper a while back to transfer Mom’s handwritten recipes, church and work cookbooks into, and I absolutely love it, even though I think there should be a pink option. It has the neatest features, including one where you copy an online recipe’s site address and paste it into the app’s address bar and it imports all the information automatically in the correct sections and includes the address so you can revisit the site. It can also scan pictures of recipes in cookbooks and is just an awesome app, aside from not being pink. I think I had a point with this but I can’t remember what it was. Stick with me and it may come back.
Oh, yeah…While searching for recipes online, I started thinking how everyday food influencers (yeah? no?) are getting just as bad as large companies and social media influencers in terms of aesthetics. You don’t get a list of ingredients and directions like recipes of old. Now, there are pictures with more color than Gone with the Wind, pristine backdrops, Mason jars with ribbons, and more stage presence than Elton John.
My food pictures include the time I made 10 quarts of loaded baked potato soup and tipped it all over my new stove, and the other time I made ranch dressing and turned the mixer on without holding onto the bowl, spirographing dressing over half of the kitchen. The ranch was cleanupable, but my poor souped stove never fully recovered 😒. I shall demonstrate below because I just made some beef jerky today and took a picture.
Above is my freshly made beef jerky in a Rubbermaid bowl that has seen better days and seems to have some rough edges around the top, probably from being put in the microwave for too long and too many times. It’s sitting on my desk, which is still part wood color and part black because I got tired of painting it and moved on to the bathroom an embarrassing amount of weeks ago. To top it off, I took the picture in terrible lighting and it’s all grainy. The jerky, however, looks good and tastes great.
Click on the picture for the recipe.
Then, there is this dude with the smooth-looking jerky, and they literally tied it all up in a neat little bow on a table that is one intended color. Extra points for knowing how to do that focus thing for the object closest to the lens while everything behind it is pleasantly blurred.
Of course, it’s not just food, but beverages, too! Most impressive are the smoothies with multiple pictures including fruit that never saw the inside of a Walmart. The gorgeous royal purple smoothie below is the expectation, with the reality (at least my reality) coming out more of a muddy eggplant, and a sink full of dirty measuring containers and mixing utensils.
Click on the picture for more pictures and the recipe.
To go one further, the madness extends past food and drink and into family member territory. Feast your eyes on the Angelina Jolie of cats below. Coby comes complete with permanent eyeliner (and noseliner!) and eyes so blue that one wouldn’t believe them to be real if they didn’t belong to a feline. His photos are exquisitely flawless with him always the focus, and deservedly so. Even the “candids” are shots you wouldn’t think twice about making into a calendar! I admit, I’m a little (lot) bit in love with Coby, but what cat lover wouldn’t be?
Click for Coby’s Instagram account.
And then we have my very own Theodore Corduroy. I mean, what more can I say?
I mainly jest, but, honestly, who has the patience, skill, time, and money to churn out commercial-worthy pictures and videos of food during/after spending the time actually making the food and ensuring it’s Getty-ready? More importantly, why do these sites, pictures, and videos make me feel so inadequate?
I think I’m done painting the bathroom, but that’s not set in stone. I’ve learned two things since starting this project: I want to (and usually do) paint anything I get paint on, and high-gloss black paint shows everything, including brush and roller strokes, hair, lint, dust, etc., and Heaven forbid I miss adding a second coat! Places that need touched up are easily seen, i.e., glaringly obvious with a flashlight. I hop around from place to place so much that there is no rhyme or reason to how much paint is on each wall so I just have to spot check. I wish my Concerta worked for me. I couldn’t work with the painter’s tape today because it wasn’t doing what I wanted it to, so I painted the sink.
Probably not the best idea.
I put the shelf that was at the bottom of the mirror over on the wall to the left, and I really like it there. It was in the way above the sink, and it fits perfectly on the wall! Unfortunately, first, I asked Adam to put it a little high so I wouldn’t hit my head on it, but after it was up, I couldn’t see over it and couldn’t really reach things, so I took it down and moved it lower all by myself (yay!). The holes are kind of visible on the batten strip but it’s cool.
Started out with the shelf a few inches higher but I couldn’t see on it.
Shelf’s previous place, right under the mirror frame.
I’ve had the shower done for a while, and while I love it being black, it shows soap scum so bad even though I spray it down after every shower. All the black has made the bathroom really dark, but it looks really cool when I have the smart lights on in color. I need to get some black silicone for around the shower frame so it’s not so ugly.
The clear silicone on the shower does not hold paint!
I listen to music via a Bluetooth speaker while taking a shower, so I stuck a piece of metal by the shower door so I can put my phone there and adjust the volume or change the song while in the shower. It works great and is hardly visible. I’m saving scrap metal so I can put it other places. I added a piece on the bedroom wall in case I go to bed with the phone. I always lose the phone in the bed.
Metal is in the middle of the picture. See the ugly silicone to the left?
I fear it’s a bit autismal of me, but nearly all of my posts are categorized/tagged as Autism because I’m autistic every day so of course each post is about autism. I hope it’s not misleading for anyone. I tend to take things literally a lot and most of the time people think I’m being sarcastic or obtuse when being sincere. My husband is getting better at clarifying when asking me questions and I answer in a literal way.
Oh, I haven’t talked about the closet!! I’m turning Mom’s closet into a sensory room, as previously mentioned, which is 5 feet, 8 inches inches wide by 12 or 14 feet long. I’m planning on getting this all-satin pink blanket from Amazon since “rubbing silky” is one of my stims, and I found the reversible sequin fabric on Amazon, too, which I want to get some of to put on the wall. I’m also going to put my alpaca pillow cover on the wall, as I love anything soft. I’ve had the pillow for years but can’t keep it out because the cats suckle on it and pull the fur off.
My super-soft alpaca pillow
One bad thing about the closet is there are no vents in there and the light fixture cannot accommodate a ceiling fan. Plus, there are no outlets, so I’ll need to get surge protector extension cords so I can plug things in. I saw a cool fiber optic light thingy on Amazon that I want. I always wait until there are good deals, so furnishing the closet will take a while. I would love to get a Drew Chair from Walmart but it’s $300. It would make an awesome reading chair ☺️. When I share something I like with Adam, he will say something like, “That would be good for your sensory room,” which makes me feel so heard and love him even more. He helps me think of things to put in the room because I rarely know when I’m stimming and he says, “You do [this or that] when you’re tired or overwhelmed,” and I don’t even realize it. Mom told me once that I rub the carpet when I’m tired and lying on the floor. I’ve done that since I was a kid and never realized it’s something I do when I’m sleepy. I tend to rub a lot of various surfaces and items to soothe myself.
I can’t start painting the closet until I patch the multiple holes left in the wall from the wire racks. There are a lot of them. I’m going to take one rack and have Adam cut it into several pieces and put them on the wall as shelves instead of racks. They are white, so they need to be painted as well. The spare room is now one big closet, but I’m cool with that since absolutely no one visits, let alone stays the night. I could probably squeeze the bed back in there, but what’s the point?
Like Greta Garbo, I’m quite content to be left alone. I’ve never been one to seek out attention, though sometimes I would be affectionate with Mom, and I will go to my husband for a hug occasionally, but I’m good being left to my own devices for the most part. Of course, “my own devices” include my phone and/or computer, and I would probably go crazy without some connection to the outside world or something to stimulate my brain.
I am a loner, but that wasn’t always an option growing up. I grew up in a very close family, and we would spend most weekends at my maternal grandparents’. At least 4 out of 5 of “the children” (my mom, aunts, and uncle) and their spouses would be there with their children (“the grandchildren,”) which included my brother, me, and our seven cousins.
I’m the second youngest, but when everyone was outside playing, I preferred to be inside with the adults. If the adults wanted to talk about grownup things or play card games I had no interest in, I would retreat to one of the bedrooms and read or write, or roller-skate in the basement. “She just likes being alone” was uttered often by Mom. Mom was asked a lot of questions regarding me. I wasn’t diagnosed AuDHD until after she passed, so was often described as being a loner and “backward.” Ah, the ’90s.
I need to learn how to shorten my backstories! All of the above brings me to today’s topic. My husband is outgoing and pretty clingy. Him taking care of Mom and staying in the hospital with her screwed up his lungs to the point of him not being able to work. He also has schizoaffective disorder. He’s here 24/7.
MIL came here in 2021 after having part of her foot removed and she is here 24/7 as well. She doesn’t have a vehicle. Mechanic broke Mom’s car, so we don’t have a car. We are all here, together, 24/7/365. I have no alone time.
Okay, now I’m done with the backstory. I’ve been cleaning out Mom’s walk-in closet, and I decided I want to make it a “me” space for…whatever. I’m working on Mom’s bathroom and making it a relaxing space for me, but that only lasts for however long I’m in the shower because, realistically, what else is there to do in the bathroom? I can’t stay in the shower or tub all the time because I’d get all pruny and run up the water bill, which has already gone up due to inflation and having 3 people in the home. I’ve actually been looking for a huge beanbag couch/chair to put in/over the garden tub so I could sit in there and read, but they are hard to find unless I spent $200 for one.
My first idea was to move my computer, desk, and TV/monitor into the closet and work in there, but my husband doesn’t think I would like that and would soon change my mind and move everything back out (which I probably would, in time), as I’m known to do that. Now, I’m thinking of doing a built-in bench seat with some pillows or cushions, and I would really love a beanbag chair since I’ve always wanted one and never got one. I haven’t decided if I’m going to try to add an outlet in the closet or just get another surge protector with multiple outlets and a longer cord to put in there. I kind of want to add an outlet to see if I can do it. Admittedly, that kind of thinking is how a lot of my big oopsies start out 😒.
Not to sound like a bad mom, but I’m looking forward to being able to shut the door when the cats are overwhelming me. You’d think small, cute animals wouldn’t get on my nerves, but just a few days ago, I was preparing to give Phin some shrimp, which he loves, and I had four cats on the dining room table walking around and smelling everything. It was extremely frustrating because only Phin and Piper will eat shrimp, yet four of five just had to know what I had and re-confirm that they didn’t like it. I was pretty cranky after that.
I used to have to hide in my room from my sweet, dearly departed tuxedo cat, Sprinkles Ricardo Blah-Blah, whenever Mom bought me beef jerky because he adored it and would eat it all up from me if I let him. That stuff’s expensive, and it is one of my favorite snacks. Sprinkles would come running whenever he heard the thick plastic bag rustle, even when Mom would sneak it to me!
Cari R Esta 