Tag: Poetry writing

~*~AuDHD~*~

I learned a while back that people in other English-speaking countries pronounce Adidas much differently than people in America (the States). Here, it is pronounced Uh-dee-duss, while in other countries it is pronounced Oddy-doss. I found that interesting. Most of the time, when I see or hear Adidas, the only thing I think of is All Day I Dream About Sex 😂. Iykyk. Anywho, I am here with another poem 🙂. 

~*~AuDHD~*~

Divisible by 5
Is how it should be
The volume for my music
And the TV

It doesn’t stop there
I have to confess
The passage of time
Is part of this mess

At 1, it’s all good
And I feel alive
Then, utter chaos
‘Til it’s 1:05

2 units of insulin?
That won’t work for me
I’ll skip it altogether
Or add another 3

But that’s not all
That goes on in my brain
The mental gymnastics
Could drive one insane

My ADHD
Pops up to say “Hi!”
There are too many rules
And it wants to know why

Dinner needs washing
The laundry needs cooking
A treat for the puppy
When no one is looking

Now nothing is finished
And it’s time for bed
But I must get some work done
I’ll sleep when I’m dead

I’m still not happy with either of my instructors 😒. Poetry lady says I have “a lot of lyricists” on my reading list. Well, duh. I told her in the first week that I do not read much poetry. My last instructor was just fine with that. Lyrics are poetic; poetry can certainly be put to music if one so desires. Many, many folk songs were poems before songs were even born. But I held my tongue.

Then…I emailed my Shakespeare instructor to ask about thesis statements (she wasn’t happy with mine) and she replied that I need to address her by name in emails and to mind my tone 😡😡😤. Mind. My. Tone. I am autistic, I literally cannot “mind my tone.” What you see is what you get. I would understand if I was rude or pissy but I write how I speak and that is how it has always been. I honestly do not know how to be otherwise.

Forgiveable, perhaps, if I had not disclosed being AuDHD in my first post as I do with every class. I do not have an intentional tone and since Mom’s gone, I don’t have a filter because I would speak through her, and now I do not have that option, which would not be an option in school, really, unless I asked her to read stuff before I submitted it and she suggested changes. So, I sat there and cried for an hour or so and kept myself from replying, which was a very hard thing to do.

She also gave me a low grade on my discussion post because my answer was “vague.” I need specifics if you do not want me to be “vague” (according to you). My husband knows this, so if I am vague when I ask him something or answer a question, he lets me know or asks me questions so I can elaborate and/or explain myself. At the very least, she could have responded to my post so I had an opportunity to appease her. I am a straight-A student and a junior; I know that all my other instructors were not just handing out A’s willy-nilly and letting me coast. I am literal. I can seem obtuse or sarcastic when I am not being either of those things. I spoke to my advisor about it so at least he is aware. Work with me and I will work with you.

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~*~Pervasive Thoughts~*~

Five poems this week! I had to write five poems for class this week alone 😫😫. I know, I know, it’s a poetry workshop class, but last workshop was two a week and certain forms each week. I don’t know how poets who write poems every day do it, honestly. I don’t know if it is because there is too much going on in my head or what, but I do much better with prompts or photos or contests. I find writing very cathartic, so I usually write about painful things so I can get them out, which is exhausting.

For class, I wrote about my father refusing to see me before he died and about my grandfather having dementia and referring to me as Little One because he couldn’t remember my name. Considering he died from sepsis, I’m assuming his dementia was caused by an untreated UTI. He had not been to the doctor in over 40 years, so it took them a while to figure out why he collapsed (he never woke up). Those two poems were very draining.

On top of the four poems for the milestone, we had to write another one for the discussion post, which is a forum mainly for attendance, participation, and accreditation. We had to choose a poem from our reading list and write a poem in their “voice,” which I found weird because I don’t even know what my voice is. I did it, nonetheless, and came up with the following:

~*~Pervasive Thoughts~*~

But don’t you see?  

Once it’s in your head,

it becomes a part of you —

it wraps around your brainstem

and creeps into your DNA.  

Walking the tightrope becomes

less daunting when it’s over 

a perverse safety net of pills,

razor blades, and ropes.  

The passivity of it all creates

a sense of mundanity that leads

you to believe everyone possesses

these thoughts and feelings — 

until you realize you’re the outlier and

most would exist in the extremist

of conditions and call it surviving.

I don’t know how that will go over in such a censored society (from how it used to be — not that we are as censored as other countries), but the professor was cool with including Wanting to Die by Anne Sexton in my reading list, so I am guessing the subject matter will not be a problem.

I doubt my PW2 professor will get back on my good side since I really liked my PW1 professor and PW2 laughed and said that PW1 was very wrong. I am not cool with people talking 💩 about people I like and/or respect. So, possibly a long eight weeks.

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The Eyes Have It

Yeah, so that was fun. I had to stay up for training, then got my second wind and wound up staying up for about 40 hours. Then, I got up again at 8 a.m., so it didn’t fix anything 😂😂. We did peer feedback in my poetry workshop, which I am not a fan of. I am in no position to give fellow students feedback. I’m learning myself and telling two of my classmates what they got right or wrong isn’t my place to say. I get all apologetic and self-deprecating which doesn’t help my classmates or me learn anything. I know that is the point of a workshop, people putting their heads together to improve, but it’s not good for someone with anxiety. 

I finally got to buy new glasses. The ones I bought a few months ago were not for me so I went back to Zenni Optical. This place is just awesome. I get regular glasses (not bifocals or progressives) there for $20, which includes my prescription and anti-reflective coating. A pair of lightweight metal frames is $6.95, the optional coating is $4.95, and the prescription is included. You really can’t beat that. 

Since I had to get progressives this time, I chose premium progressives which have a 40% bigger viewing area for the bottom (reading) part, unlike the ones I got at Lens Mart that drove me bonkers because 2/3 of the bottom was blurry on each side of each lens total – one-third of the lens is blurry on one side, the tiny middle third is the clear part, and the last third on the other side of the lens is blurry, all by design. With a 10% student discount, these glasses were only $70. The frames I chose this time were $20, which increased the price, and premium progressives add $52; regular progressives with the crap viewing area is $35, I think. 

I don’t want to pay out the wazoo for top-notch glasses (expensive frames, special additional coating, etc.) because I am bad about not wearing them (good at not wearing them, I guess). I hate wearing them when I am hot or sweaty because they get foggy and smudgy. I take them off a lot and it would just be a waste of money if I stop wearing them. I am nothing if not realistic and self-aware. 

I tried contacts once and they rubbed a blister on the inside of my eyelid of my bad eye which hurt like the dickens. It’s the eye I’ve had three surgeries on instead of two and I don’t know if that was a factor or not. I wish I could get contacts to wear for the times I’m hot but I have enough trouble with my eyes that I don’t need a sore eyelid on top of that. No, thank you! 

Adam in his glasses. 

Adam needs glasses but he won’t wear them, of course. But he looks so cute in them! Look at him! He’s all up in my health business, but when it comes to him, that’s an entirely different story. I can’t get him to get his breathing issues taken care of and it’s been a fight to keep him on blood pressure medication. He has had sleeping studies and he doesn’t have sleep apnea, but he never enters REM when he is sleeping and his pulse ox goes in the 80s while he is sleeping. He would probably be in a better mood and less angry at the world if he actually got some meaningful sleep. But what do I know? I’ve only been working in the medical field since 2006 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🙄🙄. 

I guess the topic today was eyes, although I really thought it was just going to be about school. 

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~*~The Blue Elephant~*~ and ~*~Taily Pole~*~

I guess I should have looked ahead on my syllabus before my free writing 😂😂. My two prompts were to be made into formal or “traditional” poems, one being a sonnet (like Shakespeare) and the other being a villanelle, pantoum, or a third option that I don’t remember. A sonnet about a stuffed elephant or Taily Pole?? 

Whatchu talkin’ about, Willis?

Since I’m currently obsessed with Dylan Thomas’ Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night, specifically listening to him reading it (which is awesome), and it is a villanelle, I chose to create a Taily Pole poem in that form. The elephant poem was to be a sonnet by default. I think one of the most known Shakespeare sonnets is the one that Roger Rabbit reads while jumping on the bed in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? about counting the ways he loves Jessica Rabbit. (The ADHD force is strong today 😒.) 

Now, I don’t like checking my grades because of severe anxiety, so I don’t know if these were graded yet. If I’m awaiting feedback, I keep my eyes averted and just read the feedback without looking at the grade. Unfortunately, my week 1 paper for literary theory received an F(!) since I missed some points on the rubric, but my awesome professor allowed me to redo and resubmit. The resubmission got an A. That was pretty devastating for me, but I am so glad he gave me a second chance and gave me the feedback I needed to fix it up. Anyway, on to my poems! Click/tap on the poetic form below for the definition of each. 

Sonnet

From Google AI: A 14-line poem with a fixed structure and rhyme scheme.  Sonnets are often written in iambic pentameter, which means each line has 10 syllables in five pairs.  The emphasis is on the second syllable in each pair.  Sonnets are usually divided into two parts – an eight-line section (the octet) and a six-line section (the sestet).  The Shakespearean sonnet rhyme scheme is ABAB CDCD EFEF GG.

~*~Ode to a Blue Elephant~*~

Oh, dear blue elephant of childhood days

A blind witness of our sibling fights

We marched you back and forth in moonlit haze

No words, no punches, just a game of spite



You had no name, no charm, no specialness

Your stuffing crinkled like a florist’s foam

But then bedtime came, and you were the best

And so through the darkness we each did roam



You came to us from fair or Father’s hand

We cared not for you but only the rise

It gave us when we snatched you from the land

Of dreams and sleep and made each other cry

But when my brother left, the game was done

The elephant was lost; so was the fun
Villanelle

From Google AI: A villanelle is a 19-line poem with a strict structure.  It has five three-line stanzas, called tercets, followed by one four-line stanza, called a quatrain.  Villanelles use a specific rhyme scheme, ABA for the tercets and ABAA for the quatrain.  They also have two repeating end rhymes and two refrains.  The first and third lines of the first tercet are repeated alternately at the end of each subsequent stanza.

~*~Taily Pole~*~



Please, tell us the tale of the Taily Pole

As we sit ‘round the fire to combat the breeze

Your soft, intense voice makes the story whole



We beg you for story time, and you play your role

Reluctant storyteller, yet you give in to our pleas

Please, tell us the tale of the Taily Pole



You’re covered in blankets draped like a stole

As the cool wind blows through the trees

Your soft, intense voice makes the story whole



We giggle and shiver, feeling both hot and cold

Waiting patiently with elbows on knees

Please, tell us the tale of the Taily Pole



You lean in and shout, we shriek and roll

Laughing at our temporary unease

Your soft, intense voice makes the story whole



Years later, your memory still warms my soul

As the great-grandkids gather at my uncle’s feet

Please, tell us the tale of the Taily Pole

Your soft, intense voice makes the story whole
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