What Can You Do Today to Instantly Lift Your Mood?
Okay, so this is an easy one. All of my kiddies instantly lift my mood, unless they are the reason I am Captain Cranky Pants. I mean, look at Willow! When she is not on my keyboard, she is a total sweetheart. She is a Daddy’s Girl, but fortunately, all our kiddies love both of us; they just have their preferences. For some reason, my boy, Phin, has been spending a lot of time with Adam. I don’t know if it’s because I keep moving things around and making it difficult for him to navigate the home or what. He makes himself right at home on Adam’s chest after Adam gets up and wants to stay there all day. He became super attached to us after Merlin died, who was his bestest buddy.
Sweet Silly WillyMy baby boy with his lone white whisker.
Unless Adam is the reason I’m in a bad mood, he can instantly lift my mood. He hates when I am sad, upset, overwhelmed, etc., so he tries to cheer me up, usually by being funny. One time, when we hadn’t been dating very long, he was performing “surgery” on my toe and it hurt to the point that I was crying. He got up near my face and said or did something that made me laugh and I accidentally spit tears and snot right in his face. It was so embarrassing!
Okay, so I didn’t know the 30-Day Mindset Journal Challenge was going to focus on one theme a week at a time. I don’t know if my ADHD self has it in me to wax poetic about the same subject for seven days. Needless to say, we’re still talking about gratitude, and I’m all gratituded out. Also, I am incredibly tired of waiting for the exciting thing that is coming up and I just want it to be now. I’m failing my challenge spectacularly and not writing every day, but I am working and going to school full-time, so I expected as much. My 30-day challenge may take me 60 days but I’m cool with that 😂.
Day 3: Gratitude
What Makes You Happy?
I’m not really a happy person but some things do make me happy. Water makes me very happy. When I went to Niagara Falls with my ex when he was an OTR truck driver, it was the most awesome, peaceful experience I had ever encountered. Just standing there watching the water was crazy soothing for me. I’ve always loved water; seeing it and being in it.
Oddly, I cannot swim on top of water, like Michael Phelps, but I have been swimming underwater since my dad threw me off the diving board before I could walk. I didn’t ask him to do that but it worked 🤷♀️. I love watching the little waterfalls on the side of the mountains in my state when it rains, I love rivers and streams and ponds. I love the sound of water. I think I should have been a fish.
I’m not sure if it was the happiest I’ve been, but the most peaceful and exhilarating thing I’ve done was riding the Slotzilla Super-Hero Zoom Zoomline in Las Vegas. This was after Mom died and I decided to book us for the zoomline on a whim when I was planning our vacation. It’s quite odd because I don’t do well with heights at all. I get dizzy and nauseated standing on a chair or stool. Adam had to come help me off the side of Mom’s garden tub when I was painting and could not put my hand on the wall for support because I had just painted it. I hated going up in the arch in Missouri and had to go back down almost immediately after getting up there. It’s bad.
I was feeling a bit reckless after Mom died, and I was excited about the zoomline until we were halfway to the loading platform. We got strapped in, Adam was in his harness across from me, and I made the mistake of looking down while lying on my harness. (Shrek? I’m looking down!) Instant tummy rumbles and vertigo. Adam or the guy fastening me in noticed my anxiety and told me to look out in front of me and not below me, so I did and the vertigo ceased. Then, we were off!
Still having doubts before we go!
It. Was. Amazing!! It was so freeing and calming, and I’ve not experienced anything like it before or since. I could have spent the week doing nothing else but flying over Fremont Street. I was able to look down while I was in motion and could see people waving up at us but even briefly closing my eyes and taking in the feeling of flying was so cool. That was in 2015 and I still remember how it felt. I don’t know if the zipline, which is another option, would have been the same for me and I’m glad I chose the former.
The worst thing about our vacation aside from us both getting sick halfway through was flying. We flew with Spirit, and the plane was much smaller than what I had been on prior (I didn’t like that flight, either, and was wrapped around my mom’s arm until we landed) and the turbulence was worse in a smaller plane. The Spirit flights were only 4 hours each way and felt like forever. It was Adam’s first time flying and he wasn’t phased.
Other things that make me happy are Adam, the kiddies, my cousins, concerts, reading, pink, music, the smell of Febreze, and more that I can’t think of at the moment. I think falling in love is a pretty awesome feeling and it’s something people in long-term relationships kind of miss. I mean, I’m totally in love with my husband, but it will never be like it was in the beginning with the anticipation and butterflies and missing him five seconds after he leaves. It’s a different kind of happiness now.
The Taylor Swift concert movie is coming up and I haven’t started on my friendship bracelets yet! I’ve never made those before but Adam is going to make some with me and I told him he would be tying mine 😂. The kit came with fishing-line-looking line that you tie or put clasps on and it’s so slick, I don’t know how it will stay tied. I guess I should get cracking on those and not wait until the last minute. Our friend who just took us to see Blue October again is going with us. I will be pretty upset if we are the only ones with bracelets to hand out.
It seems like an unspoken rule that only concert-goers trade bracelets, but there are so many of us who couldn’t afford tickets or transportation to the closest venues. I’ve never been able to afford going to a concert because it’s not just the tickets that cost money. Our closest stadiums or amphitheaters are hours away, so there is the cost of gas, hotel rooms, any concessions, and unplanned expenses. I’ve attended concerts with my aunt since we like the same music and they were fun but she paid for me. We were lucky with Blue October because they performed very close to us both times we got to see them, and even then our friend paid our way as a wedding gift and then an anniversary gift.
Day 2 of the 30-Day Mindset Journal Challenge from Seeking Serotonin focuses on gratitude, like Day 1. I don’t know what more I can say about gratitude but I guess that’s why it’s called a challenge! I’ve always been a Negative Nancy but that doesn’t mean I’ve never been grateful for anything. Sadly, I became more grateful for my mom after she died, but I don’t think that’s uncommon. I did learn to appreciate her once I became an adult, but the guilt and regret I feel for being a kid are still there. I know it’s irrational, I was a kid, but I still feel bad for how I treated her while growing up. I think that is a big part of why I never wanted kids. I knew how I acted and I know I couldn’t and wouldn’t tolerate a child who behaved like I did. Well, I couldn’t tolerate any children regardless of how they behaved. I don’t have the maternal chip, which I am totally okay with. Let’s get on with Day 2.
Day 2: Gratitude
What does gratitude mean to you?
Gratitude is a pretty straightforward concept. Having/showing gratitude means you are grateful for something or someone and you feel blessed to have that something or someone. It can be as simple as someone helping you up from a fall, giving you something you need, helping you out financially, giving you a compliment when you’re feeling down, and on and on. In my last post, I mentioned being grateful for my mom and my husband, but I’m grateful for many things and people.
I’m grateful for my psychiatrist for working with me and trying different medications until I no longer felt overwhelmingly suicidal. I am grateful for the medications that keep me alive and the insurance that keeps those medications free for me. I’m grateful for my professors who teach me even though they get terrible pay. I’m grateful for SNHU allowing me to continue school after I had to take breaks due to my brother dying and my depression. I’m grateful for my three jobs. I’m grateful for each and every kiddie that chose Adam and me to be their parents. I’m grateful for my family. I have had a hard go of it since Mom died but I’m grateful to still be here to fight through another day.
I saw something called shadow work journaling online (I have no idea what I was searching for) and decided to give it a shot. I used to have a therapist whom I loved, but she dropped me after I missed three appointments, which kind of irked me because I was seeing her for major depressive disorder and ADHD. Missing/forgetting/canceling appointments tends to happen with those disorders. It was right after my brother died, too, so that was really helpful 😒.
Anyway, I want to try the journaling here so I can pretend there is an audience and maybe stick to doing it. No promises! I’ll be using some prompts I found online, although I have the worst memory and the prompts concentrate on the past and memories, so I don’t know how that will go. Seeking Serotonin seems like a great resource and I’m going to start with the 30-day Mindset Journal Challenge. That being said, I started this post two weeks ago 😂.
Day 1: Gratitude
What am I grateful for today?
Today’s prompt is an easy one. I am overwhelmingly grateful for my husband. This guy survived a nightmare of a childhood full of violence and neglect, and he is one of the sweetest, most caring people I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. Mom was not wrong when she called him a Godsend. He has always said that it was love at first sight when he saw me. I challenged this claim because I’ve never really believed in such a thing, but we dug my senior yearbook out, and in his note he left in the back pages, he wrote, “I will always love you.” Well, color me wrong!
Easy on the eyes, hard on the heart.
We knew each other for a school year of lunch periods — I was a senior when he was a freshman — and then reconnected nine years later on MySpace (I wasn’t a fan of Facebook). In school, he was just my friend’s dorky little brother; I was the same age as my friend, whom I had a bit of a crush on. Mom was thrilled when Adam started coming around in 2009 because he made me happy and made me laugh so much, which Mom said she had not heard in a long time. For four-and-a-half years, I was Adam’s and Mom’s world, which was pretty awesome.
Now, I can walk through the living room with a basket of clothes or a package that was delivered and this man won’t notice me walking by him. However, just today, I was getting ready to take a shower, so I turned the exhaust fan on in the bathroom, then left the bathroom to get towels, and Adam was walking through the living room with towels for me because he heard me turn the fan on. He turns the air on when he hears me get in the shower because I don’t like getting sweaty after I get out of the shower, which I tend to do.
Due to my AuDHD, shows and movies can confuse me, and I don’t want to get invested if I know I won’t understand what’s going on. Since Adam knows me better than I know myself, I ask him to watch it first to see if it’s too complicated. It may not be his cup of tea, but he will watch it and tell me his opinion. The same goes with comedies. I don’t like the F-word or movies that are too raunchy. He’ll watch them and let me know how “bad” they are. Just recently, I asked him to watch No Hard Feelings, as I really like Jennifer Lawrence but the movie was marketed as a raunchy comedy.
I could go on forever, but I suppose I won’t. I don’t know how I got so lucky. He’s a wonderful father to our kiddies and I love seeing this self-professed dog person being so sweet and loving towards our cats. Our youngest, Willow, is his girl, and she recently got in trouble for lying on my keyboard and hitting the keys on purpose even though I moved the keyboard out of the way like I always do with them. He lightly swatted her butt and told her “no” because I couldn’t get her to listen, and tears were in his eyes after he scolded her and she ran away. I mean, come on!
As always, I’m grateful for my mom. Thanks to her planning and always thinking of her children, I have a home and an acre of land that are paid off. The house taxes suck, but I would rather have those than a rent or mortgage payment each month. Considering I can barely work, my income is a joke and I would be homeless without Mom’s house. We had her car, too, until some jerkface mechanic broke it. I will be forever grateful for her and Adam.
Gah!! It finally happened. I broke my very last Microsoft Natural Ergonomic 4000 keyboard. Definitely Microsoft’s best ergonomic keyboard, and loved by many, especially those in my line of work, which is how I found out about it nearly 20 years ago. Like most out-of-touch companies, i.e., the majority of them, Microsoft took something that worked and was well-loved and made it disappear. Used ones can be found online for $400 to $700 (new ones were originally $76; got down to $39) God Bless Greed 🙄🙄. I’ve owned way more than my fair share of the 4000s because I kept breaking them. They are 100% not waterproof or liquid resistant, btw.
I bought two replacement keyboards a while back, which are the “upgraded” Microsoft ergonomic keyboards, hoping I wouldn’t have to use them. It is awful to type on. The only thing I like about it is the emoji key they added. They stuck a stupid Office key by the Alt key, and it brings up Office 365, which I can’t even use for work as I have to have Office 2019/non-subscription versions. This new addition made the Alt key smaller, which I use for work all the time, and I keep hitting that darn Office key 😡😡. Adam figured out how to disable it so Office doesn’t pop up each time, but I am still hitting the key. I’m slowly adding things in my text expander so the stupid key works like the Alt key. The amazing reverse tilt that made the 4000 awesome is minimal on the new one, so I added little rubber pads to elevate it. Every company keeps making the tilt in the back and it’s not good for your wrists because they are supposed to be straight when typing, not with your knuckles pointing toward your chest!! Do better, companies!
This whole significant change has been very hard on me, and I have developed a new, fun symptom of stress and overload over the past few weeks. Instead of sore, tense shoulders, I now get occipital neuralgia flares, which are super painful. It’s nerve pain at the base of the skull that basically follows the hairline up over the ears and into the temples. I tried to describe the location to Adam as where the cotton goes when getting a perm, but he had no idea what I was talking about. It’s a shooting, shocking pain and not an ache, and the shooting part happens when I turn my head too far/fast or bend over with my head pointing down. I always get a bit worried when I have unusual head pain since I have Dandy Walker and hydrocephalus is common with that. I’ve had some CT scans and have been told there is some fluid but not enough for a shunt. I haven’t had a head CT in a couple of years, though.
I was in the kitchen the other day and thought I was having a stroke. Adam was sleeping, and all of a sudden while I was getting something out of the cupboard above my head, my neck started hurting on either side of my trachea. I grabbed my neck with one hand like the bad guys do in the movies when they pick someone up by the neck, and squeezing my neck helped, but it happened twice more right after it briefly went away. I googled the symptom and pretty much came up with tension and stress. I’ve been having trouble breathing for the past few weeks, and I am wondering if the new non-stimulant ADHD medications are causing increased stress and anxiety. I’m not lacking in that department; I don’t need more. I was on Strattera and then switched to Intuniv. Otherwise, I’m hunky dory.
Nitpicky. Controlling. OCD. Fussy. Particular. Unreasonable. High maintenance. These are some of the words that have been used to describe me. That’s fair, for the most part. I don’t have OCD. I’m not high maintenance, unless one counts the limitations from my disorders and illnesses. All the other descriptors are the result of being undiagnosed well into adulthood and trying to cope and maintain some semblance of control in my life and situations.
If I get too stressed over something, I immediately start cleaning and straightening items. Adam usually tries to stop me so he can comfort me, but the comfort comes from organizing. Order is something I can physically control and, frankly, keeps me from dealing with overwhelming emotions, which is something I don’t know how to do or even if I’m capable, especially pertaining to sadness, anger, and stress. Keeping things just so helps keep my world calmer, and if I neglect that, it causes stress, which has been affecting me physically more and more.
My current hyperfixation is books. Logic dictates, in my opinion, since hyperfixation (“special interests”) is an autism thing, being AuDHD mucks that up into fixating on something for a length of time, then switching to something else with the same passion and intensity. Mom tried to keep up with my fixations, so I’ve acquired books, pandas, unicorns, and tigers, to name a few, over the years. I have a pink dancing turtle and a talking Squirt from Finding Nemo from my cute turtles phase. With Adam, I’ve obsessed over Bob’s Burgers, Taylor Swift, Pon & Zi, music, crypto, magic mushrooms, and on.
For reasons unknown to me, I decided to try Apple Books/iBooks instead of the Kindle app and discovered I like Apple Books better, so I was going to transfer my 500+ books from Amazon to Apple. Well, I couldn’t. When you buy an e-book on Amazon, you don’t own that book, unlike buying paper- and hardback books. Amazon is essentially a paid library for digital media, like Vudu and other digital goods companies. If Amazon got a bug up their butt and deleted my account, like they have in the recent past, my books would be gone and I certainly wouldn’t be reimbursed. This didn’t sit well with me, and being told I could not do something, specifically that I could not own something I paid for, only fueled my little AuDHD PDA self.
For the past few days, I have spent hours downloading my books onto the computer, converting them into .epub files, backing them up on my external hard drive, and transferring copies to my phone via iTunes. This went well for most of the books, but a few were totally messed up, and of course those are the ones my brain focuses on and bothers me incessantly about. I remove all of them from the phone, fix the metadata and covers for each one on Calibre, and send them back to my phone. A few more are corrected, but there are still some problems. I Yahoogle for help, as does Adam since this is really upsetting me, and I try everything we find.
The same thing happens. All the authors are listed first name, last name in the app, but alphabetically sorted by the last name, which is correct. Except for two authors. One is listed last name, first name and his 23 books are split somehow. For the other, her initials are MZ and she is sorted under M instead of Z, although her name is in the correct order (FN, LN).
Very funny, Apple.
After being miserable for the past week and not getting the results that I wanted, I’m standing at the bed hugging Adam and venting about the apps, and my sweet, amazing, well-meaning husband tells me I should not worry about it because it’s just a small thing. Now, I love this man to pieces, and I know I shouldn’t stress and fret over something so small, but it’s not by choice. I don’t do this because I’m bored or want attention or I’m desperate for some internal drama and turmoil in my life. I can’t help it. I tried to “deal” with Hurricane MIL and nearly had a mental break from that.
On top of my ever-changing, fleeting interests, my lifelong solid obsession is English/language. I’m average in every other subject and above-average in language, which was included in my psych/autism assessment, but I’ve known that since I was little. I was always in gifted reading/English classes, and that was my highest-scoring subject on my ACTs. I had this terrible-paying general transcription job once, and the company’s policy was to type what was said, of course, but that included spelling words how the dictator spelled them if they happened to spell them out, including medications. Most people don’t know how to spell medications correctly because the spelling and formatting can get pretty crazy. I always spelled the drugs correctly and was ready to defend my choice to the death if necessary. I was with one company where this doctor would always say “gamipectin” and proceed to spell it: G-A-B-A-P-E-N-T-I-N. Gabapentin was the correct medication, so I don’t know where in the heck she came up with gamipectin. I correct emails when replying to them. I correct FB posts if I’m reposting. I quickly stopped reading No Country for Old Men because Cormac McCarthy refuses to use quotations when people are speaking, which could very well be a sign of the devil. That really stinks because I loved that movie and figure his books are pretty good.
I have no idea where I’ve been or am going with any of this post. I applaud your dedication (boredom?) if you have made it this far 😊👍.
Adam made me modified tequila (what we called it growing up). Eh, maybe “barebones tequila” would be more accurate; zucchini, meat sauce, and lots of mozzarella cheese 😋. I think ground chuck is more expensive than ground beef because the farmers and butchers have a hard time finding boy cows who are named Chuck. Adam said that’s a possibility but never gave a definitive answer.
I was born with Dandy Walker syndrome, which is a malformation in the back of the brain near the brainstem. The malformation occurs in the part of the brain (the cerebellum, fourth ventricle) that controls balance, coordination, fine motor skills, vision, and cognitive thinking. While pregnant with me, Mom was simply told that part of my brain didn’t develop and that was it. Granted, DWS isn’t common, so a lot of doctors, especially back then, hadn’t heard of it.
Now, more and more doctors and medical staff I’ve seen are at least familiar with it. One doctor even said, “So, you’re aware DWS affects your liver and kidneys?” Huh? Yeah…sure, I know. (Nope. I didn’t know.) I guess that explains the hydronephrosis, nonalcoholic liver cirrhosis, and diabetes type 1.5, the latter two of which are autoimmune diseases.
I didn’t walk until I was 2, and I was in physical therapy to help with that, but I don’t remember it. We didn’t learn I had DWS until I was 17 and my pediatrician ordered a head CT scan to see why I was having headaches all the time. Fortunately, I only have a small amount of hydrocephalus, so I don’t require a VP shunt.
I also had crossed eyes, which were surgically corrected at 18 months old, and a strawberry birthmark – a hemangioma – up from my forehead a little past the start of my hairline. My brother took care of my birthmark one night when he dropped a toy stove from the top bunkbed onto my head, which I had poked out from my bunkbed to ask him what he had said. He had, in fact, told me to watch out because he was dropping the toy from his bed and he didn’t want to hit me with it. I find this hilarious; even more so when he would tell the story. I don’t remember that, either, but I was under 5 at the time.
So, all of that to say, I have some limitations. With DWS and AuDHD, I think differently and perceive things differently and I have some problems with critical thinking, and my depth perception isn’t the greatest. I also have diplopia, which is double vision. I’ve had 3 eye surgeries and the surgeon informed me that it’s my brain mucking things up because they can’t get my eyes any straighter than they are. I must sound like a monster 😂.
My husband, Adam, didn’t know any of the above when we met in high school or when we started dating 9 years later, as my medical diagnoses are not something I openly talk about. My family is very open with each other about their health issues except when they pertain to one’s mental state, which is odd because depression and bipolar are big on the maternal side of my family. Mom’s explanation for my personality and behavior was, “Oh, that’s just Cari,” and family’s like, “Oh, okay.” I love that my family is so accepting.
I’m unpacking and learning so much about myself and “my” autism that it would be nearly impossible to not suffer from imposter syndrome. For the uninitiated, imposter syndrome is when “an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.” It’s most common in those who are insecure and have low self-esteem, which isn’t surprising.
The perfect example presented itself today. One of my higher-ups and I were on the phone talking about new accounts (point for talking on the phone!), which included a lot of new information and instructions – of course, I zoned out more than once – and before hanging up, she wanted to know if I was interested in doing QA (quality assurance) for all accounts.
Now, I’m good at my job, as most of it is spelling/grammar and medical stuff. I consistently get 100% accuracy at both companies I’m contracted with, and I’ve been in the field since 2006. However, every time I receive my QA emails, I am 100% certain that QA just missed my mistakes and that is why I got good results. It’s merely fact for me now.
I’ve done QA before with another company several years ago, but with so many hospitals and healthcare facilities outsourcing our medical records to India, accounts are harder to find, and if you screw up on their sometimes-ridiculous account specifics, they have no issue going to another company. As QA, I would have every account under me including the new one. Since I work nights, I would be the only QA’er available. No pressure, right?
Anyway, my post wasn’t supposed to be about work today. I’ve been sharing ASD information with my husband to help explain myself and actions, and he’s been so sweet and receptive, but I feel like I am just making excuses for my behavior and want a pass to do this or that. Meltdowns are one thing I feel like that about. I’ve had them forever but they were always labeled as temper tantrums, pouting, bipolar (which I don’t have), and acting immaturely.
When I get overwhelmed, I get extremely irritable and want to retreat immediately. If I’m doing something and not getting the expected results, I get physical with whatever I’m doing. Like, if I can’t get medicine open and have tried for a while, I’ll chuck it across the room. I’ll hit things, be aggressive with things, and so on. I mask a lot during these meltdowns because they upset my husband. Holding back results in me shaking, not speaking, and crying out of anger/frustration. I think that’s a big reason I finally broke and requested a week to myself. When I don’t throw something or hit something and hold it in, I cry. Sometimes I do both. I never, ever hit people or animals, so there’s that.
Like Greta Garbo, I’m quite content to be left alone. I’ve never been one to seek out attention, though sometimes I would be affectionate with Mom, and I will go to my husband for a hug occasionally, but I’m good being left to my own devices for the most part. Of course, “my own devices” include my phone and/or computer, and I would probably go crazy without some connection to the outside world or something to stimulate my brain.
I am a loner, but that wasn’t always an option growing up. I grew up in a very close family, and we would spend most weekends at my maternal grandparents’. At least 4 out of 5 of “the children” (my mom, aunts, and uncle) and their spouses would be there with their children (“the grandchildren,”) which included my brother, me, and our seven cousins.
I’m the second youngest, but when everyone was outside playing, I preferred to be inside with the adults. If the adults wanted to talk about grownup things or play card games I had no interest in, I would retreat to one of the bedrooms and read or write, or roller-skate in the basement. “She just likes being alone” was uttered often by Mom. Mom was asked a lot of questions regarding me. I wasn’t diagnosed AuDHD until after she passed, so was often described as being a loner and “backward.” Ah, the ’90s.
I need to learn how to shorten my backstories! All of the above brings me to today’s topic. My husband is outgoing and pretty clingy. Him taking care of Mom and staying in the hospital with her screwed up his lungs to the point of him not being able to work. He also has schizoaffective disorder. He’s here 24/7.
MIL came here in 2021 after having part of her foot removed and she is here 24/7 as well. She doesn’t have a vehicle. Mechanic broke Mom’s car, so we don’t have a car. We are all here, together, 24/7/365. I have no alone time.
Okay, now I’m done with the backstory. I’ve been cleaning out Mom’s walk-in closet, and I decided I want to make it a “me” space for…whatever. I’m working on Mom’s bathroom and making it a relaxing space for me, but that only lasts for however long I’m in the shower because, realistically, what else is there to do in the bathroom? I can’t stay in the shower or tub all the time because I’d get all pruny and run up the water bill, which has already gone up due to inflation and having 3 people in the home. I’ve actually been looking for a huge beanbag couch/chair to put in/over the garden tub so I could sit in there and read, but they are hard to find unless I spent $200 for one.
My first idea was to move my computer, desk, and TV/monitor into the closet and work in there, but my husband doesn’t think I would like that and would soon change my mind and move everything back out (which I probably would, in time), as I’m known to do that. Now, I’m thinking of doing a built-in bench seat with some pillows or cushions, and I would really love a beanbag chair since I’ve always wanted one and never got one. I haven’t decided if I’m going to try to add an outlet in the closet or just get another surge protector with multiple outlets and a longer cord to put in there. I kind of want to add an outlet to see if I can do it. Admittedly, that kind of thinking is how a lot of my big oopsies start out 😒.
Not to sound like a bad mom, but I’m looking forward to being able to shut the door when the cats are overwhelming me. You’d think small, cute animals wouldn’t get on my nerves, but just a few days ago, I was preparing to give Phin some shrimp, which he loves, and I had four cats on the dining room table walking around and smelling everything. It was extremely frustrating because only Phin and Piper will eat shrimp, yet four of five just had to know what I had and re-confirm that they didn’t like it. I was pretty cranky after that.
I used to have to hide in my room from my sweet, dearly departed tuxedo cat, Sprinkles Ricardo Blah-Blah, whenever Mom bought me beef jerky because he adored it and would eat it all up from me if I let him. That stuff’s expensive, and it is one of my favorite snacks. Sprinkles would come running whenever he heard the thick plastic bag rustle, even when Mom would sneak it to me!
It was never a secret that my brother had undiagnosed ADHD, hyperactive type. He couldn’t sit still and was always working on something, tearing something apart, or fidgeting endlessly. School was difficult for both of us, but it wasn’t common to be treated for mental health when we were children.
After I requested a psych eval and was diagnosed with autism and ADHD well into adulthood (after Mom died), things started making sense and falling into place. Sure, I could sit and read book after book, but once I finished a book, I couldn’t tell you a thing about it, even the ending. I can say I liked the book but not why or what happened.
The trouble with having AuDHD (autism with ADHD) is I crave routine, yet routine can be terribly boring. I like to think of it as controlled chaos. My space can look like a hurricane blew through, but if you want to know where something is, I can most likely tell you unless I put it somewhere where I wouldn’t lose it. For example, I know a black Sharpie is in the bathroom closet in a box with the cabinet door handles, but I have no idea where I put the silver ones so I wouldn’t lose them.
After my doctor and I got my psych medications right and the Wellbutrin kicked in, I’ve been in downsizing and renovation mode. I think 19 years of the house looking the same is long enough! I started with Mom’s bedroom and painted it glossy black. I’ve no doubt Mom is losing her mind looking down on me, but I really like it. Trim and ceiling are going to be black as well, because you just can’t have a black room with wood-colored trim and a white ceiling. That’s silly.
Theo being helpfulThe shelf thing cleaned up nice!
After finishing most of the bedroom, I moved on to her bathroom, and I am having so much fun with it. It is black now, too, and I removed the shelf/ledge under the bathroom mirror and put it on the wall so it wasn’t in the way of the sink faucet.
The wood-colored backsplash had a recessed trim(?) the same color as the counter. Since I’m going with black and silver in Mom’s bathroom, I ordered some 1/2″ stainless steel-colored adhesive PVC piping which fit perfectly. I’m including a picture of the guest bathroom below, which has the same backsplash as Mom’s did, but a different VOG (vinyl-on-gypsum) wallpaper. I bought shiny silver contact paper for the counter and around the garden tub, which should be fun.
A peek of the old wall where the shelf/ledge was. Guest bathroom backsplash
Because I bloop, bloop, bloop all over the place, I started tackling Mom’s walk-in closet in the midst of redoing her bedroom and bathroom. I haven’t gotten very far with it, but I am downsizing in a major way, and there is only so much the living room can hold in between trash days. Considering I have zero budget, this reno could take a while, but I am finding some really good deals on Amazon. I think the most expensive thing has been the paint, which is $48 a gallon. Since I’m painting everything that doesn’t move, I’m going to need a lot of paint!
Cari R Esta 