I lost my mom to uterine cancer in 2014, ten days before my birthday. She wasn’t ready, I wasn’t ready, but that really didn’t matter. The cancer didn’t actually kill her, even though it had metastasized to other organs. She was on chemo and contracted pneumonia while in the hospital. Honestly, I think the pneumonia was harder for both of us to deal with than the cancer: Seeing her struggle to breathe, the audible wetness of her lungs, hearing she could not resume chemo until the pneumonia was gone, which never came to pass.
Her last 2 weeks in the hospital, she endlessly worried about me and the fact that she hadn’t gotten me a birthday present. She sent my cousins out to get my present and a card, and she signed that card the best she could the day before she died. I knew nothing about this until after she was gone. I left the hospital with my gift and card but without my mom. I waited until my birthday to open them, which absolutely ripped my heart to shreds.
All of 2014 was brutal. My tuxedo cat, Sprinkles Ricardo Blah-Blah, died in January, before Mom died. He was 16 years old. After Mom died, her cat, Ashes Penelope, didn’t cope well with Mom not being here. He suddenly dropped one terrible night, and the vet at the animal ER said it was a blood clot and they couldn’t really do anything for him. We got an adorable tuxedo kitten, Soxers McGee. He died at 5 months old from FIP. My stress level was through the roof. Due to the stress, my pancreas broke, and I’m now a type 1.5 diabetic (LADA). I don’t know if that is related to my Dandy Walker or not, as it’s not my only autoimmune disease.
I existed for a few years. I paid off Mom’s car and house, thanks to Mom’s work and her smart planning for my brother and me. I lived with her my entire life due to me having Dandy Walker malformation, so her house and car came to me. I would be homeless if she hadn’t always put her children first. I have a difficult time coming up with the property taxes every year, so I guess homelessness is always a possibility, unfortunately.
I really hated living here, in her house, for a long time. I redecorated the living room and changed the theme from lighthouses to pandas and tigers so I wouldn’t be reminded of her every time I walked in there. One night, in a fit of grief, I ran to her closet and buried my nose in her clothes, hoping to find her scent, to no avail. My fiancé and I remained in our bedroom at the other end of the house.
Two years after Mom died, I married the wonderful man who took such amazing care of Mom when her cancer returned. My brother walked me down the aisle. I chose In Loving Memory by Alter Bridge as the Bride-Mother of the Bride dance and fully intended to dance with my aunt/Mom’s sister. I crumpled as soon as the song started and couldn’t do it, so my aunt and my bridal party had a big, weepy huddle while the song played.
I didn’t know another death in the family was going to shake my foundation like Mom’s death did.
Cari R Esta 