I made the world’s-according-to-me worst smoothie ever and drank two 16-ounce glasses of it. It sounded good in theory; a berry smoothie with a splash of yummy sugar-free fruit juices. I started out with a keto berry smoothie recipe as a guide for measurements. First, were a frozen triple-berry mix of blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries from Sam’s; unsweetened vanilla almond milk; chia seeds; and unflavored collagen powder. I bought some new Tropicana Zero Sugar Summer Splash Punch and Zero Sugar Mango Passion juices and threw those in there as well, hoping for a concoction as tasty as Outback Steakhouse’s Huckleberry Hooch (which is uh-mazing!).
Adam gave me a taste before adding sweetener, which I realized after tasting it. It was horrid and bitter! How in the world are berries and other naturally sugary fruits so bitter in drinks?? I added the Splenda Monk Fruit sweetener, which doesn’t have sucralose (not good for you), and tasted it again and it was still a big NO. Out of pure desperation, I added a splash of lemon juice and vanilla extract. My “recipe” started out making 16 ounces and was now 64 ounces 😒. The same thing happens when I make loaded baked potato soup, so I wasn’t terribly surprised. I grudgingly claimed it drinkable out of sheer frustration and poured myself a tumblerful.
It wasn’t too bad. I could taste the fruit juices and berries. I got way too many chia seeds, which didn’t absorb and expand, so I was spitting seeds out all over the place all evening and accidentally spit one on Adam’s arm (oops). There was something I didn’t like, and it became more and more apparent with each drink. The next day, I poured another glass because I didn’t want to waste all the ingredients. I drank the whole glassful (16 ounces!!), but it made me nauseated, so I finally admitted defeat and dumped the rest. Adam and I concluded it must have been the almond milk, which I’ve been using since early April, but only in chocolate shake-type drinks.
I hate milk; it’s just too milky tasting. I eat cereal with a slotted spoon. I hate yogurt and cottage cheese. Like, I really hate it. Unfortunately, most keto smoothie recipes call for some type of milk or bananas (don’t like those, either), but it’s cool as long as I can’t taste it. I don’t like avocados, either, but have had success with making smoothies with them and not tasting them. I won’t try bananas because they are way too sugary, and I detest them. I pretty much hate everything that is keto-friendly, like broccoli, cauliflower, coconut, brussels sprout, okra, fish, etc. Anything healthy, I guess 😂.
Today, I tried smoothie-making again, determined to use my new blender for good and not evil, and I had success! I stuck to a simpler recipe consisting of frozen sliced strawberries, unsweetened vanilla almond milk, avocado, vanilla extract, and collagen powder. Just an FYI, vanilla extract smells so good, but don’t try it by itself! This time, I wanted to add more “zero” things to reach 64 ounces to lower the carbs and calories for each serving, so I topped the blender off with water, around 14 ounces, maybe?, and added a dram of LorAnn Oil’s Super Strength Strawberry flavoring. Drams are the cutest little bottles I’ve ever seen and I want to hug them all; kind of like Funko Pop! It needed a little oomph, so I poured in some Torani sugar-free French vanilla syrup. It was so yummy, and only 1 net carb! I’ll save the chia seeds for when my grinder gets here. I’m definitely buying some chia seeds to put in my sensory room because they are so calming for me, which I didn’t even know until after I bought them and stuck my hand in the bag 😳😊.
Cari R Esta 